


Shaken and Stirred

by Dizzy_Hurricane



Series: The DASH! Chronicles (A Group of Friends Drink Alcohol and Be Gay) [2]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, F/F, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:07:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23095321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dizzy_Hurricane/pseuds/Dizzy_Hurricane
Summary: Umi Sonoda has been in love with her best friend for five years, and she finally gets the kiss she's wanted for as long as she can remember. So that's good news, right?A sequel to On The Rocks, dealing with Umi's seemingly never-ending struggles over her feelings for Kotori.
Relationships: Ayase Eli/Toujou Nozomi, Hoshizora Rin/Koizumi Hanayo, Minami Kotori/Sonoda Umi, Nishikino Maki/Yazawa Nico
Series: The DASH! Chronicles (A Group of Friends Drink Alcohol and Be Gay) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1659820
Comments: 91
Kudos: 86





	1. Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back! Did you miss me? Took a little bit longer to get going on this than I'd hoped, but glad to finally get this follow-up party started. And by party, I mean one of those parties where people get sad and start crying in the corner. Hope you all enjoy!
> 
> However, I will say that this story will end well, I'm not quite set on completely ripping people's hearts out. That will probably come in a later story. Also, if you've come across this fic and haven't read the first part of this series (On The Rocks), I recommend doing so before reading this, as this starts right where On The Rocks leaves off. Let's begin.

### Aftermath

People were talking. Umi couldn’t figure out what they were saying, but as she regained consciousness the first things she noticed were the voices around her. Did she recognise them? She wasn’t quite sure yet. Who had she been with? Honoka? Kotori? Oh right, Umi remembered, her and Kotori were about to leave because the latter was drunk off her ass. But why was she lying down on the ground, on the cold concrete, with an incredibly sharp pain in her head? She had been dragging Kotori away from _DASH!_ , they had stopped, Kotori had…

Umi’s eyes snapped open. Her vision was still blurry, but there were three faces visible; a rather large bald man, a red-haired girl, and a shorter black-haired girl. After a few blinks, her eyesight became clearer, and the voices she’d heard before now made sense. Two of the faces were a picture of concern laced with shock, the third was frowning. Frowny and bald was the first to speak in a voice that Umi could concentrate on.

“Miss, how are you feeling?”

Umi blinked again, her gaze flittering briefly to Maki, then to Nico, then back to Bald, “My head hurts. But other than that I think I’m ok?” Her shaky voice wasn’t even convincing herself, and from the look of it she wasn’t convincing her audience either. The man’s frown deepened slightly as he looked at the concrete under Umi’s head, presumably checking for any sign of blood. Umi didn’t think she was bleeding, but it was difficult to tell in her somewhat dazed state.

“You had quite a fall there. Do you remember what happened?” the man, who Umi presumed was a member of the security team for _DASH!_ judging by his uniform, asked. And oh boy, did she remember. Sure, the memory seemed fuzzy when she tried to picture exactly how it happened, but she could absolutely recall Kotori, Umi’s best friend and the love of her life, grabbing her shoulders and leaning in and… Umi felt rather light-headed once more just thinking about it.

“Yes, I… I fainted, right?” Umi slowly moved herself upwards, propping herself up on her elbows while remaining on her back. Suddenly, something struck Umi as quite odd – if Kotori had indeed kissed her, then… “Wait, where’s Kotori? She was with me when I fainted,” she explained to the security guard.

“She ran off after we let the security know what happened.” Nico piped up. “I tried calling after her, but she didn’t listen. I could try calling her mobile to see if she’s ok.” Nico took her phone out, looking at the redhead for guidance.

“Yeah, you do that. I’ll stay here with Umi.” Maki turned to the security guard as Nico walked away to make the call. “We’ll take her home once Nico’s done with her phone call, if that’s ok.” The man took another look at Umi, checking the back of her head for any visible injuries (for which Umi prayed there were none), and sighed.

“Ok, make sure she gets home safely.” He then addressed Umi once more, “If you feel nauseous or dizzy, or have a nasty headache, then you might have a concussion. If so, you’ll most likely need to rest up for a day or two.” The guard stood up with a grunt, “If you have any problems before you leave, don’t hesitate to let me know.”

Umi nodded slowly, cautious not to aggravate her gradually worsening headache. “Thank you. I’ll make sure to get plenty of rest.” The guard seemed satisfied with that, nodding back before returning to the club. Umi took the opportunity to sit up properly, though as soon as she did she regretted it, feeling a sudden wave of nausea hit her. Maki knelt down and offered her support, letting Umi lean into her arm. Umi looked back towards _DASH!_ noticing that several people in the smoking area had been watching them, obviously curious about what had happened, but once Umi sat up they returned to their idle conversations. The loud music and chatter from inside the club were certainly not making the pain in Umi’s head any more bearable.

“How are you feeling?” Umi blinked in surprise at Maki’s question, turning her head slowly to face her.

“I’ve been better. Nothing some rest won’t fix.” Umi saw the cautious look on her friend’s face, and wondered if she or Nico had seen the events that led to her having a possible concussion. She would have to ask later. Umi hadn’t even had time to think about the possible implications of Kotori’s actions yet, as she was primarily confused as to why she would have run off afterwards. Perhaps she had been scared that she had hurt Umi in some way, or maybe that it would look that way to any onlookers? At least she’d waited for the helpful security guard to arrive before her flight reflex kicked in, and not quite been in the state to leave Umi motionless on the concrete. Umi wondered whether Kotori would even remember what had happened, she had drunk a _hugely_ excessive amount of alcohol. Hopefully she would at least take Umi’s advice to drink water and have something to eat before sleeping, if she managed to get home safe.

Right on cue, Nico began walking back to her friends, a puzzled expression on her face. Umi wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or not.

“Well, she picked up, but then hung up as soon as I started talking. Charming.” Nico then held out her phone towards the others, who both leaned in to view the screen. “After she hung up, she sent me this.”

K: im pn mybway hime miw

K: tell imi im soeey

“Wow, she really is wasted,” Maki commented, raising her eyebrows.

“She had far too much to drink, even by her standards,” Umi replied with a grimace. “Once she gets into that mood, she doesn’t know when to stop. And I’m always the one that has to deal with it.” Umi could hear the bitterness seeping into her voice, and evidently the others had picked up on it too, as Maki placed her hand on Umi’s shoulder in a comforting gesture.

“Come on, let’s get you home.”

“Yeah,” Nico added, “I think we all need some rest after the night we’ve had.” Umi noticed Nico was gazing pointedly at Maki, a look in her eyes that she couldn’t quite decipher. She then realised she hadn’t seen the two girls for at least half an hour before she’d decided it was time to take Kotori home, she had no idea what they’d gotten up to since then. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

Umi warily rose to her feet, with Maki still offering a supportive hand. Instantly she regretted moving from her spot on the concrete – the world around her was moving no matter how much she made an effort to stay still. There was a churning feeling in her stomach, and an overwhelming feeling of vertigo. She knew what was coming next.

“Hey Umi, are you alright? You look… pale.” Nico’s concern was validated moments later, as the bluenette threw up all over the drama major’s shoes.

* * *

Ten minutes and one roll of tissues later, the three girls clambered into the back of an Uber. Nico, despite her grumpy complaints (mostly in Umi’s direction about the state of her shoes) was squashed in the middle between the two taller girls, resting her head on Maki’s shoulder. Umi’s acute embarrassment from throwing up in front of (/on) her friends was diluted by her tiredness, the events of the night having certainly taken their toll. Despite her exhaustion and condition, her mind was racing, filled with thoughts about Kotori – primarily whether she would be able to get herself home safely in the state she was in. 

Nico and Maki had offered to come back to Umi’s apartment with her, and although Umi had assured them that it wouldn’t be necessary, they had insisted on making sure that she went to bed without vomiting again. Umi was aware of how serious concussions could be – repeated vomiting was an especially bad sign – so she was thankful for their care and consideration. She had never really spent much time around Nico, and Maki had only known the group for a few weeks, but Umi felt as though she could comfortably call both of them her friends. That was especially true of Maki; Umi felt a particularly strong bond with her, which felt slightly unusual (though not unpleasant) as it had often taken Umi far longer to feel comfortable around someone.

All three girls seemed content to sit in a comfortable silence, which Umi felt was a good opportunity to think more about what had actually happened between her and Kotori. Umi was never one to get ahead of herself, especially in a situation where there were so many complex factors – Kotori being incredibly drunk, Umi’s fuzzy memory, the complicated feelings involved – but Kotori had kissed her. Kotori Minami, Umi’s best friend and the girl Umi had been in love with for five years, had kissed _her_ , not the other way around. Surely that had to mean something, right? People don’t kiss people that they have no romantic feelings for, right? The notion made Umi’s head spin – the mere concept of Kotori returning her feelings to any degree was incredible and overwhelming, and most of all completely unprecedented. 

Umi had never asked Kotori about her sexuality, but it was a topic she’d spent hours (more than she’d readily admit) contemplating in the past. Umi was fifteen years old when she realised her own homosexuality, largely due to her rapidly developing feelings for Kotori, and around that time she had tried – with no success – to figure out her friend’s preferences without directly asking her. The issue was that Kotori seemed to think _everybody_ was cute, regardless of gender, and Umi struggled to tell what that actually meant. Though she threw the word ‘cute’ around with abandon, Kotori had never previously shown any romantic interest in anyone, not to Umi’s knowledge anyway. So one day in 10th grade, Umi came out to her best friend, with hopes that if Kotori wasn’t straight then she would feel more comfortable with admitting so herself. Of course, Kotori was very supportive of Umi’s sexuality, and reassured her that it wouldn’t change anything between them.

What Umi didn’t expect was for Kotori to then tell her, with a smile that melted Umi’s heart speaking words that shattered it, all about her new boyfriend.

Umi still remembered (far too vividly) the mixture of shock and despair she’d felt in that moment. Apparently, a boy in their class had confessed to Kotori earlier that day, she’d returned his feelings, and they were going on their first date after school. Umi had congratulated her, because it would be rude not to, yet her words and the smile on her face were terribly forced. Looking back at it, the revelation really did come as a huge surprise, seeing as Kotori had never talked to Umi about liking anyone, let alone some boy that she’d barely seen Kotori speak to. On top of losing all hope of her crush liking her back, Umi felt almost betrayed in an odd way. Didn’t best friends usually tell each other about these things? She knew it was an irrational reason to be upset, yet at the time it played on her mind heavily.

The last five years of Umi’s life had involved countless attempts to move on, to stop being so painfully and embarrassingly in love with her best friend, yet nothing seemed to work. Eventually, she’d resigned herself to accepting that her feelings wouldn’t disappear, no matter how much she’d tried to force them to do so. In the end, Kotori’s relationship had only lasted for a month before ending on amicable terms, yet the damage had already been done to Umi’s hopes – Kotori was straight, and Umi had come to terms with that. That was why now, as the Uber approached Umi, Kotori and Honoka’s apartment building, Umi was afraid. Nothing was scarier than having hope, especially when all her previous hope was lost so long ago.

* * *

“What kind of ten-storey apartment building doesn’t have a freaking escalator?” Nico grumbled, dragging her feet with all the exaggeration she could muster at 1am.

“It’s only been four storeys, Nico.” Maki deadpanned, a slight smirk visible on her face. Nico muttered something mostly incomprehensible under her breath, something about being ‘too tired to deal with this shit.’ Umi had to admit, she enjoyed the banter between her two friends, especially since it was a welcome distraction from the dull pain in her head.

“It’s an old building. It’s not too bad once you get used to it.” Umi explained. She led her friends towards the front door of her apartment, hoping that inside they would find Kotori – or at least evidence of her safe return. Shortly after throwing up on Nico’s (mostly ruined) shoes, Umi had texted Honoka about what had happened, informing her that Nico and Maki were escorting her home. Honoka had seemed worried, but once Umi had insisted that she wasn’t about to collapse (for a second time, anyway), the ginger girl decided she’d stay at _DASH!_ for another hour or two with Rin and Hanayo. It seemed like they’d been having a fun night, and Umi didn’t want that to be ruined for them on her account, so she was glad they’d chosen to stay. She also wasn’t too surprised, since if it was possible Umi reckoned that Honoka would never leave _DASH!_.

Umi paused as she went to unlock her door, considering what she should say to Kotori if she was inside. Despite being very curious of Kotori’s feelings towards her, Umi wasn’t keen on doing so while in desperate need of sleep – a conversation of that magnitude and importance needed to be done with a clear head and in a more awake state than she was currently in. Besides, Kotori would likely still be at least slightly drunk, and Umi was _not_ having that discussion with either of them being inebriated. Nico tilted her head, noticing Umi’s hesitation. 

“Everything ok, Umi?” Umi blinked rapidly at Nico’s concern, seeming startled, as though she’d forgotten the others were there. She gave her head a small shake to clear it, immediately regretting doing so as she winced at the pain it caused.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just hope Kotori’s home safe.”

“I’m sure she will be,” Maki said with a warm smile, “she seems capable of looking after herself.” Umi’s brows furrowed, knowing that in fact Kotori was sometimes downright terrible of taking proper care of herself while drunk. After all, she was typically the one who had to help her in such situations. Still, she appreciated Maki’s attempt at reassurance.

“Hopefully you’re right.” Umi twisted the key in the lock and pushed the door open. The first thing she noticed was that the light in the hallway was on, which was good news – they always made sure the lights were off when they left, so that meant Kotori must be home. Further evidence quickly became apparent, as Umi took a step forwards and picked up Kotori’s white duffle coat off the floor. Umi sighed, a small smile creeping onto her face, and hung up the coat. “Well, at least she’s home in one piece.”

“See? Nothing to worry about!” Nico beamed, and Umi was impressed how the shorter girl could flip from exhausted and grouchy to the picture of childlike energy in a moment’s notice. “Now, let’s get you to bed so you can rest up! You’ve got a big day tomorrow!”

Umi frowned. Did she have a big day tomorrow? Had she forgotten about something? It was hard to tell in her weary and wounded state whether something had slipped her mind or Nico knew something she didn’t.

“I… do?” she asked, puzzled. Nico’s smile only widened, which was also an impressive feat.

“Of course! You’ll want to be well-rested for when you talk to Kotori about– _OW!_ ” Nico was cut off by the impact of Maki’s elbow into her arm, causing Nico to spin around and glare at the redhead. “What was that for?” she asked, a hint of anger in her tone. Maki flushed slightly under Nico’s gaze, before sighing and turning to Umi.

“We… saw what happened. Just before you fainted, I mean.”

“Ah.” Umi’s response was short, but in truth we wasn’t sure what she could say. Obviously Maki knew about her feelings for Kotori, but did Nico know? Maki had mentioned that Umi wasn’t exactly subtle (something she had tried to improve on since), so there was every chance that Nico was well aware of her crush. Umi opened her mouth to continue, but struggled to find the correct words to follow with, so she promptly closed it and frowned once more.

“It’s ok, we both know how you feel,” Nico began. “It’s probably a lot to think about, but you can do that tomorrow. Right now you need sleep, and probably some water too. So let’s get you to bed, and worry about that stuff tomorrow.” Umi stared at Nico, surprised at how… logical she was being. It wasn’t quite that Umi had thought Nico to be particularly illogical in the past, but this was the first time she’d been taken aback by her wisdom. Nico was a very impressive person, it seemed. Maki had good taste in girls. 

“Yes, you’re right. Thanks, Nico. Thank you to both of you for coming back here with me.” Umi smiled warmly at her friends, who both responded with equally sincere grins. With a fresh sense of hope and forward thinking, Umi led her friends to the living room to get the three of them some much needed water. Once again, the lights were already on, and once again Kotori had left more of her belongings (only her shoes, thankfully) on the floor. Kotori’s shoes and coat weren’t the only things the girl had left out of place, however – Kotori herself was spread out on the sofa in the corner of the room, sleeping peacefully. This time Umi couldn’t stop the smile from appearing on her face, glad to see her friend safe and sound.

After showing Nico and Maki to her room, Umi grabbed a blanket from her closet and returned to Kotori’s current bed, ensuring her best friend would stay warm in the chilly night.


	2. Hope for the Hopeless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Umi's never-ending suffering never ends, and Honoka carries on being Honoka.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Just as a quick note, updates may be a tad slow for this for the time being, as I've been struggling a little with motivation to write. My mother recently became ill with what seems to be covid-19 (she'll be fine, she's already recovering), and I obviously haven't been able to leave the house much due to the lockdown here (in the UK). That being said, I've been trying to stay positive, and I'm working on getting back into the flow of writing as a way to keep myself busy. Here's another chapter for you all, hope you enjoy! Stay safe out there!

### Hope for the Hopeless

As Umi awoke, the previous night’s events flooded back into her mind, a rush of memories adding to her headache that was thankfully not as severe as it had been before. Putting thoughts of Kotori aside for the meantime, Umi reached for her phone and googled ‘concussion symptoms’. Clicking on the first result, she spent a minute or two educating herself on the matter, deciding fairly quickly that she had indeed been concussed from her fall. According to her research, it seemed likely that she would experience further dizziness and a headache today, possibly a lack of concentration too. Fortunately, Umi didn’t have any plans for the day, other than talking to Kotori about… well, that could wait for now. Today was a day for rest, no sudden movements, and no–

Honoka burst into Umi’s room in an almost comedically undignified manner, not bothering to knock and almost tripping over her own feet as she shoved the door open. The sudden surprise caused Umi to react and sit up a little too quickly, and she quickly felt the dizziness return.

“Hey Umi! How are you feeling?” Honoka practically _shouted_ , and Umi was half tempted to throw her phone at the bundle of reckless energy she called a friend.

“I’d be better if you weren’t being so _loud_. Also, we’ve talked about knocking. I might have still been sleeping, and you’d have scared me half to death.” Umi moved her hand to her head, trying to steady it and alleviate the unsteadiness. 

“Oh yeah, sorry. I should’ve thought about that, loud noises aren’t good for people who aren’t feeling well. My bad.” Honoka looked actually guilty for once, and Umi felt a little bad for her reaction, as justified as it was. She knew the girl always had the best intentions, even if they weren’t always as thought through as they could be.

“It’s ok. I am feeling slightly better than last night, I think. Have you seen Kotori this morning?” Honoka shook her head emphatically.

“Nope. When I came in last night she was asleep on the sofa – she was all curled up under a blanket and it was _adorable_ – but I haven’t seen her today yet.” Umi checked her phone again, the time was only 9:56am. Presumably Kotori had woken up at some point and relocated herself to her bed. Wait, if it wasn’t even 10am yet…

“Hang on, normally you’re not out of bed until midday, especially after a night out. How come you’re awake so early?” Honoka spun around on the spot in a surprisingly graceful manner, finishing the move with a flourish and a grin.

“Way too many Jägerbombs! Couldn’t sleep well!” Honoka had clearly already forgotten about managing her noise level, as Umi felt her headache make a stronger reappearance. 

“Well, that makes sense. At least you can catch up on sleep tonight. Can you let me know when Kotori wakes up, please?” Umi asked her animated housemate.

“Sure! Do you need anything, like some water or food?” Umi smiled, thankful for Honoka’s genuine kindness and consideration. It was that aspect of her personality that Umi valued the most, and why she was glad to call the ginger girl a close friend.

“No thank you, I’m fine for now. I’ll get myself something to eat later, but for now I think I need some more rest.” Honoka nodded in affirmation, giving a dramatic thumbs up.

“Sure! Get some good rest, and let me know if you need anything!” With that, Honoka backpedalled out of the room, closing the door behind her – and for once taking care to not slam it shut. Umi lay back down, closing her eyes and letting herself dream of hope.

* * *

Umi spent the next four hours in and out of sleep, hoping to receive confirmation from Honoka that Kotori was up and about. By 2pm there was still nothing, so she decided it was time to finally get up and eat something, and then check on Kotori herself. Little over half an hour later, after a quick shower and a sandwich, Umi found herself stood outside of the door to Kotori’s bedroom, heart pounding even more so than her head. She had been over what she was going to say, it was all planned out, yet now she was stood there – several metres away from where Kotori should be – Umi found her fear return. The fear of Kotori regretting the kiss, or even not remembering it at all. Umi wasn’t sure which would be worse. She knew it was pointless worrying about it, all she had to do was knock on the door…

Her hand hovered in the air for a good ten seconds, Umi staring at the wood with a strange mix of determination and anxiety. She took a deep breath, and knocked three times. Her breath held, Umi waited for any sign of life on the other side of the door. After waiting for a suitable amount of time, she knocked twice more.

“Kotori? Are you awake?”

Still no response, or sound that would indicate movement. Umi grimaced, as the thought came to her mind that Kotori could have made herself sick from drinking so much the night before. Clearly, Umi would have to check in on her, just in case.

“I’m coming in, ok?” Umi reached for the handle and gently opened the door with a slight creak. It was dark inside, Umi flipped the light switch besides the door. The room was empty. The bed was a mess, and the room was a tad more disorganised than normal, but there was no Kotori. At that moment Honoka emerged from her room, looking distinctly more tired than earlier, the lack of sleep already seemingly hitting her.

“Hey Honoka, do you know where Kotori might have gone? She’s not in her room, and I didn’t hear her leave at any point.” Honoka yawned and shrugged her shoulders.

“No clue, sorry. I didn’t hear her leave either. Maybe she went out before either of us were awake?” Honoka had a point, but why would Kotori leave the house so early the day after a night out? Especially considering the state she was in, presumably she would have needed lots of rest. Things didn’t add up, and Umi was once again incredibly confused.

“Maybe. Oh well, at least she seemingly didn’t make herself sick from how much alcohol she had. You should probably get some more sleep, you look like you need it.” Honoka pouted at the bluntness of Umi’s statement, though clearly trying to stave off another yawn.

“That’s mean. But you’re probably right, I am super tired. I’ll eat some pasta and then take a nap, I think.” Umi was fully aware that Honoka’s ‘nap’ would most likely be eight or ten hours long, and she probably wouldn’t see the girl for the rest of the day.

“Alright. Sleep well.” Umi closed the door to Kotori’s bedroom and returned to her own, increasingly concerned and puzzled.

* * *

After not too long Umi’s headache had begun to subside, so she decided to make the most of her day indoors by finishing some reading she needed to do for her Business Law class – and since she finished that rather quickly (as she often did), she spent the following couple of hours reading further ahead. As usual, she became so engrossed in her reading that she lost track of the time, and was only alerted to how much time had passed by her stomach rumbling. A quick glance at her phone showed that it was already past 7pm, and unless Kotori had done so very quietly she hadn’t come home. She had sent Kotori a text a few hours ago asking if she was out, and if so when she might be coming back, yet there had been no response. Another oddity to add to the list, as Kotori was normally swift to reply to messages, even if she was busy. With a sigh, Umi rose from her chair and made her way to the kitchen.

No sooner than she had finished preparing the ingredients for her vegetable stir fry, Umi heard the unmistakable sound of the front door to the apartment opening. She briefly considered running straight to the door and either asking Kotori where she had been or simply hugging her, but she chose to exercise restraint and remain calm, coolly turning towards the entrance as she heard footsteps approach the kitchen. Sure enough, there was Kotori, looking… Umi didn’t want to say terrible (Kotori _never_ looked terrible) but it seemed as though she had barely slept, despite having seen the evidence of her sleeping the night before. The brunette’s gaze seemed unfocused, but eventually she locked eyes with Umi as her steps came to a halt. For a wordless second, Umi saw something in Kotori’s eyes that deepened the crack in her heart. Fear.

“H-Hey Kotori, h-how are you today?” Umi managed to squeak out. Smooth, just as practiced. Kotori’s eyes darted to the side, vigorously avoiding further eye contact with Umi. 

“I… I’m ok.” Her voice was quiet, more so than usual. Kotori’s tone, her posture, everything about her seemed uneasy and apprehensive, and that only further frayed Umi’s nerves.

“So… you’ve recovered from last night? You had quite a lot to drink…” Umi trailed off, not knowing where to go from there. Kotori gave an almost imperceptible nod as an answer, remaining silent. Kotori’s strange behaviour was confusing to Umi, and in a way it felt annoying too – why was she seemingly so against talking about last night? She hadn’t even asked if Umi was ok from her fall, a fall that _she_ caused, even if it was unintentional. What did Kotori have to be afraid of?

“Do… do you remember what happened last night?” Umi had never planned on asking Kotori in such a straightforward and blunt way, but she’d been waiting all day for answers, answers that Kotori probably wasn’t going to reveal unless asked directly. Kotori’s brow furrowed ever so slightly at the question, eyes still avoiding her friend. Umi waited for a response for five seconds, and then for another five, as Kotori looked as if she was close to tears. What was causing her so much distress? If the kiss didn’t mean anything then all she had to do was apologise. Umi would be incredibly upset at that, obviously, but she would easily forgive Kotori for her drunken actions. Conversely, if the kiss did mean something…

“Forget about it, please. It was a mistake. I’m sorry.” Before the sharp words could even sink in for Umi, Kotori turned away and dashed into her room, slamming the door shut behind her. For a few moments Umi stood unmoving, as the weight behind Kotori’s words hit her like a ton of bricks. The kiss was a mistake. It was never supposed to happen. Kotori would never return her feelings. Umi dragged her feet as she walked towards her own room, legs heavy as lead, leaving her chopped vegetables on the kitchen counter. Kotori’s voice echoed in Umi’s head as she gently shut her bedroom door, her words replaying on a loop as Umi felt her thoughts become clouded and dark.

Umi Sonoda never cried, but that night the tears never seemed to stop. 

* * *

On Sunday, Umi only left her room to eat and use the bathroom, taking care to not interact with either Kotori or Honoka. The latter knocked on her door once and asked if she could come in, Umi asked to be left alone.

On Monday, Umi begrudgingly went to her classes, choosing to distract herself with her studies instead of wallowing in self-pity. She made minimal contact with her friends in her class, also making sure to avoid Eli who was studying the same major, albeit a year ahead. She wasn’t ready to discuss anything Kotori-related yet, she needed time to recover. How much time that might be… Umi was unsure of that. She stayed in the university library late into the night, consciously overworking herself to avoid spending time at home.

On Tuesday, Honoka texted Umi, clearly worried about the lack of time she was spending with her friends. Umi (eventually) replied carefully and concisely, thanking Honoka for her concern but attempting to convince her that there was nothing to worry about; because even though Umi wasn’t in a good headspace currently, that was her problem, her weight to carry. She didn’t want any of her friends to worry for her when she could deal with it herself. She just… needed time.

On Wednesday, at roughly 1pm while Umi was eating alone (again) in the university cafeteria, her phone buzzed. Several more buzzes followed, so with a sigh she put down her sandwich and checked her phone. Oh Lord, it was a new group chat.

Honoka: hey guys!! thought there should be a new chat with all of us in so we can talk to each other easily!

Honoka: how’s everyone doing today?

Rin: oooh I like this idea! I’m doing really good, ran a new pb today!

Nozomi: Seconded, this seems like a fine idea! Just grabbing lunch with Elicchi

Nozomi: [picture sent]

Eli: Hey, I wasn’t ready for that to be taken! I look terrible in that.

Nozomi: That’s not true, you look as brilliant as always

Nico: this chat is already super gay and it’s gross

Nico: on that note, here’s a pic of my dumb girlfriend

Nico: [picture sent]

Honoka: oooh you guys are officially girlfriends now? that’s adorable!!!!

Nico: you bet we are

Rin: they’re super gay and it’s great

Rin: on that note, here’s a pic of my amazing girlfriend!

Rin: [picture sent]

Honoka: aww this chat is adorable already

Honoka: here’s a picture of my lunch!!!

Umi turned her phone off before the image was loaded, not feeling like she was missing out on much. While a group chat was a good idea for easier communication, she didn’t particularly feel like talking to anyone currently, even her best friends. _Especially_ her two closest friends in particular. As well as Kotori, Umi was also avoiding contact with Honoka as much as possible since she knew her friend would attempt to pry further into Umi’s downturn in mood, and that was the last thing she needed at the moment. She would rather not bring Honoka into the matter because she would only try to fix things, and there wasn’t anything to fix. This wasn’t a problem to be solved, or a question to be answered, it was a feeling that Umi would have to get over on her own terms.

* * *

Naturally, on Thursday morning as Umi was leaving the house, Honoka burst out of her room and offered to walk with Umi. Since she couldn’t think of a good reason to politely decline, Umi reluctantly agreed to walk with her housemate. Honoka was surprisingly quiet for most of the walk, which Umi was thankful for. It wasn’t often that Honoka showed her tactful side, but it was a side of her that existed nonetheless. Umi was beginning to enjoy their peaceful walk when Honoka shattered the silence in the most brash way possible.

“So why aren’t you and Kotori talking to each other? Was it something to do with the night out on Friday?” Umi felt her eye twitch and had to fight back her urge to growl at Honoka’s lack of sensitivity. Instead she let out a small sigh, choosing her next words carefully as she walked.

“Something small happened between us. Everything is fine, I just needed some time to myself. There’s nothing to worry about.” Umi hoped that her words were convincing, but that didn’t seem to be the case as Honoka let out a sound of disbelief.

“If everything is fine then why have you both seemed so sad lately? Kotori especially, she’s usually so cheery and now… she’s ignoring everyone. You’re doing the same, you’re the only two people not to say anything in the group chat yet.” Umi should have known better than to count against Honoka’s ability to detect the sadness in her friends. Though Honoka was oblivious to some things, she was usually incredibly perceptive when it came to her friends having issues. It was her naturally caring nature shining through.

“I haven’t been sad,” Umi began, lying through her teeth, “and perhaps Kotori just needs some time to herself also. I’m sure she’ll feel better soon.” Umi quickened her walking pace in an attempt to literally distance herself from the conversation, because that was currently her best defence against Honoka’s tirade of concern. Of course, she should have known better than to outpace Honoka, a girl whose energy was unrivalled, and she stayed alongside Umi’s side with ease.

“If you haven’t been sad then why have you been avoiding me? Did I do something wrong?” The sadness in Honoka’s words didn’t go unnoticed to Umi, rather it hit like an arrow right aimed right at her heart. Though she would prefer Honoka to leave her alone for the time being and stop asking such annoying questions, Umi knew she wasn’t being fair. Her sadness over Kotori was no excuse for her to be rude to Honoka, or to ignore any of her other friends, but it was tough finding the right balance between recovery and solitude. Umi sighed and slowed her pace.

“You haven’t done anything wrong, I promise. I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting, but it’s just been easier lately to not talk to people.” Umi slowed to a stop, staring straight ahead as Honoka turned to face her. “I just find it easier to get through things like this by myself. I’ll be back to normal soon, and… and I imagine Kotori will be too.” Umi resumed walking while Honoka stood and watched her leave, a slight frown on her face. After not too long Umi realised that her friend was no longer following her, yet she carried on, wearing a similar frown.


	3. Brave Faces, Everyone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Umi's brain does her no favours, and Eli is a responsible senpai.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who wished my mother well, she's fully recovered now. Now I'm just trying to get through this lockdown without losing my sanity, or whatever of it I have left.
> 
> Finding motivation to write these days is a struggle, but I'm determined to give this story my best, both for myself and for all of you that have been (hopefully) enjoying it so far. On that note, I hope you all enjoy this chapter about Umi being sad!

### Brave Faces, Everyone

Honoka: so who’s coming to DASH! tonight?

Nico: maki’s gonna come 

Nico: oh and we’re both going to dash

Honoka: why did you say that maki was coming out twice??

Nozomi: My Nicocchi, so lewd

Nozomi: I’ll be working, as usual. Though next week I have the week off for Elicchi’s birthday!

Rin: Hanayo’s feeling sick so I’m gonna take good care of her tonight!

Nico: I bet you are hehe

Eli: Nico, stop acting like a 12-year-old. I’ll be out tonight as well

Honoka: Cool! Anyone else??

Umi sighed and turned off her phone screen, choosing to refocus her attention onto her textbook. She had some free time after lunch before her next class, which was also her final class of the week, so naturally she was spending her time reading ahead and avoiding interaction with other people. A full week of minimal communication with her friends had been odd, but not entirely unpleasant – sometimes a step away from everyday conversations helps to clear the mind, Umi thought to herself. Though her self-isolation had obviously not gone unnoticed by her friends (Honoka especially), she hoped they would understand. Though truth be told, Umi wasn’t sure if she was actually feeling any less despondent currently than she had been several days ago. Her isolation had made the sadness easier to deal with, but did that matter if the sadness was still there? Did that matter when her heart was still broken?

Umi let out another sigh, this time one of frustration and defeat, as she closed her textbook and returned it to her bag. She didn’t have too long before class and she was getting nowhere, unable to concentrate with her head full of distracting thoughts. Deciding to take a short walk before heading to class, Umi stepped outside into the chilly October air. Despite her intentions to clear her head, her mind kept coming back to the idea that she still didn’t seem to be making much progress with getting over Kotori. It was easier said than done when she had originally given up on doing so several years ago, choosing instead to accept her feelings and Kotori’s lack of reciprocation. Umi had always assumed that she could live with secretly being in love with her best friend, as long as she knew that best friends is all they would ever be.

One tiny shred of hope had been enough. The momentary belief that Kotori may harbor some sort of feelings in return had been sufficient to crush her once that belief was destroyed. Having hope for the first time in years, after half a decade of longing, was something that Umi knew was dangerous. Really, she had been foolish to even entertain the idea that the kiss had meant anything to Kotori. Umi couldn’t figure out what may have been going through the brunette’s head at the time, but then again attempting to discern any drunk person’s thoughts was often fruitless. Maybe it was some cruel joke that she’d felt bad about the following morning, or perhaps it was just an addition to Kotori’s regular increase in physicality that occurred whenever she was at that level of intoxicated. Regardless of the reason for the kiss, Umi now had to accept once more that it meant nothing.

It was a mistake, just like Kotori had told her.

That conversation had been replayed in Umi’s head numerous times since it had originally occurred, each time driving the metaphorical dagger deeper into her heart. Every time Kotori’s words echoed through her head, Umi felt an overwhelming sadness and emptiness, unlike anything she had felt for a long time. She had no idea how long it would take for her mood to improve, or for the pain to stop. She knew it eventually would, because she had been through this before – Umi had accepted the truth in the past, now she had to do so once again. Then again, was accepting her pain really the answer? Even after acknowledging Kotori’s lack of feelings long ago, Umi had still felt this lingering sadness deep down. If tolerating the anguish she felt wasn’t the answer, then what was? Was there any solution to this shit situation she was in?

Umi reached the entrance to her classroom in a far worse headspace than she been in before her walk. So much for clearing her head.

* * *

The next time Umi received a message that wasn’t from the group chat (that she had still not allowed herself to be a part of) was shortly after waking up on Sunday morning. She had spent Saturday cleaning her room, and then the rest of the flat, and then her room _again_ , luckily not encountering Kotori in the meantime – she had spent most of the last week out of the flat for a reason that neither Umi nor Honoka was aware of. Umi had intended to spend her Sunday in the library once more (at this point the librarian most certainly recognised her), so she was surprised to have a message from Eli inviting her out for lunch. Eli was one of Umi’s closest friends; she often found the blonde to be the voice of reason in the cacophony of lunacy that their group could sometimes be. They also both studied business at their university, so they frequently met up to discuss work, despite Eli being a year older. Usually Umi would have accepted such an offer without a second thought, but now…

Was it too soon to resume contact with her friends? Umi knew the way she was acting couldn’t go on forever, eventually she would have to suck it up and get on with her life. And out of everyone, Eli seemed the safest bet to meet with. She was a calming person to be around, and she was the most likely to understand if Umi wanted to avoid conversation topics that were… difficult. Even if avoiding her friends seemed like the easier option, Umi had to take steps to resume normality.

U: Sure, I’ll meet you for lunch. Where would you like to go?

E: There’s a new café in town that I’ve been to with Nozomi a couple of times, they do great sandwiches

E: It’s by the train station, so we could meet there?

U: That sounds good. Shall we meet at 1?

E: Works for me

As soon as Umi closed the tab with Eli’s messages on, she received another text. Much to her surprise, it was from Maki, someone Umi had never messaged in the past.

M: Hey Umi, just wondering how you’ve been? It’s a shame you didn’t come out on Friday

U: I’ve been ok, thank you. I didn’t really feel up to coming out, though I should be out for Eli’s birthday next Friday

M: Glad to hear it

M: Let me know if you need to talk about anything

Maki’s last message was incredibly vague, presumably intentionally so. Maki was likely smart enough to have realised that Umi’s avoidance of the group meant that something was up, and she had probably guessed that it was related to ‘the incident’ with Kotori. This was what Umi had wanted to avoid – having her friends worry about her when it was her problem to deal with. Then again, Umi could admit that this was always likely to happen, given her method of dealing with said problem. Maki was her friend, so it was only natural that she would want to help, right? The same applied to Honoka, and Eli, and everyone else in their group chat. So if their desire to help was easy to understand… why did she still have such trouble accepting it?

* * *

“Hey Umi, you still in there?” Eli waved her hand in front of Umi’s face, the latter’s gaze currently fixed on the table between them. Umi blinked several times and shook her head briefly, as if trying to shake away whatever had been on her mind.

“Yes, sorry. What were you saying?” Umi took a sip from her coffee, hoping the caffeine would help her to focus on the conversation and at least _pretend_ that her brain was functioning as well as it usually did.

“Well I was talking about how Professor Milton fell over in class a few days ago, but you don’t really seem interested in that. Something on your mind?” Eli cocked her head to one side, eyebrows raised slightly, gaze kind though somehow unsettling for Umi.

“No, not really. Just a bit tired, I think.” One look at Eli’s face told Umi that she wasn’t buying it. Umi had never been particularly skilled at lying on the spot, especially to her friends. Her mind brought her back to a time in 10th grade when she stealthily (read: very obviously) ate some of Kotori’s chips while she was in the bathroom. All it took was one of Kotori’s trademark pouts and Umi was done for. In that situation, she never stood a chance.

“If you say so. Hey, how come you didn’t come to _DASH!_ on Friday? We noticed both you and Kotori didn’t reply in the chat.” Umi swallowed more coffee nervously, nearly choking on it in the process.

“I just… didn’t really feel up to it, I was tired and had a lot of work to do.” The final part of the sentence was most certainly a lie – Umi had spent so much time in the library that she was at least a week ahead in all of her classes now. It didn’t hurt to be overprepared, right?

Eli slowly took another sip of coffee, holding her gaze on Umi with a pensive look on her face.

“That’s fair enough,” she said with a slight shrug. “Better to get some rest, especially after what happened last week.” The mention of the previous Friday led to a frown briefly appearing on Umi’s face, an expression that Eli seemed to notice with interest. “Speaking of last week, how’s your head?”

“I’m fine now, thanks. I had a headache for a while, but it went away after resting for a couple of days.”

“That’s good to hear. So, why exactly did you faint? Is it something that happens regularly or was there something that caused it?” A few days ago Umi would have been put off by this question, but in typical fashion for the blue-haired girl she’d come fully prepared, an alternative story of that night decided on in advance.

“It turns out I was dehydrated, which was foolish of me. I didn’t drink enough water while we were out, and I started feeling lightheaded as we were leaving. Next thing I remember was waking up with Nico, Maki and a bouncer all stood over me.” Umi reached for her coffee mug, proud to have remembered her false version of events. 

“Why wasn’t Kotori there after you woke up? Did she just leave you there?” Umi’s hand froze before making it to her drink. She hadn’t been expecting further questioning on the matter, she’d hoped Eli would have accepted the story without hesitation. Maybe she should have revised more for this.

“Uhh… well, she left after letting the bouncer know what had happened. She was feeling unwell and wanted to get home as quickly as possible.” There, Umi thought, that should satisfy her. However she had no such luck, a disapproving look now on Eli’s face.

“So she didn’t even wait to see if you were alright? You could have hit your head when you fell, it could have been serious. If one of my friends fainted onto a concrete floor, I would at least have stayed with them until they woke up.”

“Don’t talk about Kotori like that!” Umi found herself angered by Eli’s rant, though she was also irritated at herself for her carelessness in making Kotori look like a bad friend due to her twisting of the truth. That being said, it was true that Kotori could have perhaps shown more care, despite the circumstances… Umi chose not to think about that too much. “She was heavily intoxicated, she didn’t know what she was doing.” Umi’s fist was clenched, her eyes avoiding Eli’s. “She didn’t leave me by myself, she went to get help and then she felt bad enough that she needed to go home. I can’t fault her for that, and neither should you.” Umi punctuated her statement by meeting Eli’s gaze once more, a hardness in her eyes. Eli held the eye contact steadily, as if waiting for something… Umi wasn’t sure what. After a few seconds, Eli looked away and smiled slightly, perhaps apologetically.

“Ok, that makes sense. I understand now. I’m sorry for questioning Kotori’s morals, that was uncalled for. I know she cares about you too much for anything else to be the case.” Umi felt her dull anger subside, replaced by a strange sort of sadness – or perhaps disappointment, for letting herself become annoyed by her friend’s rash words, since she knew they were well-intended.

“It’s fine, I shouldn’t have reacted that way. I know you meant well.” Another sip from the coffee, despite the caffeine clearly not helping her mood.

“I still shouldn’t have implied that Kotori would ever put your health in danger, or not attempt to help you in any way. She would always try her best to help you in any situation. She thinks the world of you, you know.” Umi felt her cheeks warm at that, and there was a slight twinge in her chest, as if her heart itself felt the pain those words caused. Once again Eli watched, seemingly curious about Umi’s reaction.

_“She thinks the world of you.”_

Umi once believed that too.

“Hey, are you ok?” Umi recollected herself, seeing the concerned look on Eli’s face. Clearly her pain had become evident while the negative thoughts had returned, swimming around in Umi’s head like a school of piranhas. “I’m sorry if I said something…” Eli trailed off, seemingly unsure how to finish her apology.

“No, you didn’t do anything. I just got lost in my own thoughts a little bit.” That certainly had been a common occurrence for Umi throughout the past week. “Sorry if I worried you, I’m ok. It’s just… been a long week.”

“It’s fine, no need to apologise. Are you sure you’re ok though? If there’s something affecting your mood that you want to talk about, I’m here to listen.” Eli’s face was still laced with concern, and although was very grateful her senior’s caring nature, she wished she didn’t have to be the subject of it at this moment in time. Umi wished she didn’t have to be a source of concern for her friends at all. 

Unfortunately, it didn’t seem like that was something she could change while her own thoughts were genuinely concerning, even for herself.

For now, she simply had to put on a brave face and deal with it.

“I appreciate your concern, but really, I’m fine.” 

Even if a brace face meant lying to her closest friends.


	4. The Influence of Vodka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Umi lives in denial, Kotori smiles again, and Maki wonders why she even tries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise Umi will have a happy ending in this story... eventually... Hope you all enjoy!

### The Influence of Vodka

At this moment in time, Umi Sonoda was far from fine. It was now Friday, and while her original plan was to avoid drinking alcohol with her friends for a few weeks, today was an event she had not been allowed to miss. It was Eli’s birthday, and that meant everyone in the group had been invited (ordered) to Nico and Nozomi’s flat for pre-drinks (an excessive number of shots) before eventually going to _DASH!_. Umi had promised in advance that she would attend, and seemingly the same was true for Kotori, because it seemed that she would rather be anywhere else at this moment in time. Ever since Kotori had arrived – by herself, and far later than everyone else – she had seemed uncomfortable, and ultimately disinterested in the group’s drinking antics. Umi could relate to that, downing shots of disgustingly strong Russian vodka wasn’t currently on her list of priorities. While getting blackout drunk to avoid the awkwardness of her situation appealed to a small part of Umi’s brain, consuming an excessive amount of alcohol was an outright terrible idea.

Umi was all too aware of the fact that her and Kotori hadn’t said a word to each other since the latter’s arrival. Indeed, they hadn’t said a word to each other for twelve days now, with Umi remembering all too well what Kotori’s last words to her were. Umi knew they couldn’t go on like this forever, but it was hard building up the courage to talk to her friend when Kotori didn’t seem to have any interest in doing so. On the other hand, perhaps Kotori was thinking the same about Umi… but what did Kotori have to be afraid of? She wasn’t the one who’d had her heart crushed into a million pieces, nor was she the one who had finally seen a glimmer of hope after years of longing, only for it to be brutally swept away. 

“Hey Umi, it’s your turn!” 

Honoka’s voice shattered Umi’s thought bubble, as did the filled shot glass that had been thrust under her nose. Umi fought the urge to frown or sigh, forcing a polite smile and taking the drink. She had endured a shot of this vodka earlier, and while it was not particularly nice (read: horrendous) she supposed doing another couldn’t hurt. Probably. Umi swiftly downed the shot, feeling the burn of the alcohol in her throat, placing her shot glass back on the table afterwards.

“Nice! Alright, who next…” Honoka scanned the room, searching for her next victim. “Oh! Kotori, you haven’t done one yet, right?” Everyone’s attention was now on Kotori, including Umi – _especially_ Umi. Kotori, surprised by the sudden expectation placed upon her, fidgeted nervously in her seat.

“Um… no, I haven’t, but I’m not sure if I want one right now.” Oh Kotori, how naïve… it was never going to be that easy. Not on Eli’s birthday.

“Come on Kotori, do just one for me!” Eli moved behind Kotori, placing her hands on the shorter girl’s shoulders. “If you don’t like it then you don’t have to do any more, we promise. But you’ve got to do one!” Kotori turned her head to look back at Eli, and though Umi expected Kotori to sigh or protest further, the brunette visibly relaxed and smiled at her friend.

“Alright, I’ll do it.” Honoka quickly supplied the drink, Kotori thanking her quietly for doing so. “Happy birthday, Eli!”

“Yeah,” Honoka joined in, “happy birthday!” A few similar congratulatory cries were uttered for Eli as Kotori finished off her shot, seemingly proud of herself for doing so. Umi had missed many things about Kotori during the time they hadn’t been talking to each other, and one of those was her smile. Kotori’s smile never failed to light up a room, nor to capture Umi’s full attention, even at a time like this. Umi let eyes linger on her crush for just a little too long, as Kotori’s gaze eventually met her own and time seemed to slow. Suddenly there was no-one else in the room to Umi, just her and her best friend, and she swore she could hear her own heartbeat. Though Kotori’s smile faltered briefly, disrupted by the sudden eye contact, to Umi’s surprise it quickly returned. It was a soft, sheepish smile, one that seemed… scared, perhaps? Again with that fear that Kotori showed on the night that Umi’s heart broke, and even before then – from running away after the kiss. Umi didn’t know for sure what Kotori was afraid of, but she had to find out. That was the only way forward here.

* * *

After another round of shots, Kotori excused herself to use the bathroom, and Umi knew this was her chance. Her and Kotori had been avoiding each other for too long now, and this was the best opportunity they would have to talk to each other alone. So roughly a minute after Kotori left the room, Umi also excused herself and waited outside the bathroom door, heart beating out of her chest. She hadn’t properly thought through what she was going to say, but she hoped on this occasion that she would be able to ‘wing it’. Hopefully once the conversation started, the words would come to her more easily.

Then Kotori opened the door, and Umi promptly forgot how to speak. Kotori let out a small squeak, surprised at Umi’s sudden presence, and Umi knew she should say something but her mind was well and truly blank. Where to begin on a topic like this, Umi thought to herself…

“H-Hi, Kotori…”

Eloquent.

“Hey Umi… how are you?” Kotori appeared to be equally nervous, probably due to not having expected this encounter at this particular moment in time. 

“I’m good, thanks. How about you?” Wonderful, an actual sentence. Two of them, in fact. Umi mentally patted herself on the back.

“I’m fine…” Kotori seemed unsure where to go from there, and Umi knew it was up to her to start this much-needed discussion. After all, this had been her idea.

“Have you been ok lately? I haven’t seen you much in the last couple of weeks.” Good, small steps. They would get there… eventually.

“Yeah, I’ve just been really busy… so I haven’t been at the flat much recently.” Kotori smiled apologetically, though she had no need to be sorry – it wasn’t like Umi hadn’t also been avoiding everyone.

“That’s fine, I’ve been the same. Busy, I mean…” Okay, so maybe Umi wasn’t the best person at progressing conversations. Especially ones as important as this. But how to take the next step delicately? As Umi paused, thinking of how to continue, Kotori seemed to take that as a sign that there was nothing else to be said.

“I’m… going to head back to the others now, if that’s ok…”

“Wait! Um…” Come on Umi, she thought to herself, you can do this. “About what happened… on that night… I want you to know that I’ve put it behind me. Like you asked, I’ve forgotten about it. So… I don’t want us to be awkward about it anymore. I want us to go back to normal… if that’s alright with you.”

Umi hated lying. She hated the feeling of not only being dishonest to her friend, but also of suppressing her own feelings in such a harsh and painful manner. Yet on this occasion, Umi knew it was the best way, perhaps the only way, to save their friendship – or at least, to restore it back to some semblance of what it used to be.

She’d gotten through this before, she would again.

“Oh…” Kotori began, taken aback by Umi’s sudden change of topic. Then another smile, this time a brighter one, one that _almost_ felt like the old Kotori. “Thank you, that means a lot to me. I’d be really happy if we could go back to normal too.” Those were the words Umi wanted to hear, accompanied by Kotori’s smile that she had been so desperate to see. So why did Umi still have that dull ache in her chest?

“That’s great!” Umi replied a little too enthusiastically, so she felt the need to add some further justification for her excitement. “I’m really glad. I… I think the others were worried that we’d fallen out in a big way, so hopefully we can put their minds at rest now.” Did Umi imagine the brief frown that crossed Kotori’s face? If so, it disappeared as quickly as it emerged.

“Yeah, I think they were… that would explain why Nico wanted to meet with me last weekend.”

What now?

“Wait… last weekend?” Umi asked carefully, eyes narrowed. 

“Yeah, she asked to meet me last Sunday for lunch, and she seemed… worried, I think.” That seemed incredibly familiar to Umi… what had their friends been up to? Noticing the look of realisation, Kotori tilted her head quizzically. 

“Why do you ask?”

“Well… Eli asked to meet with me last Sunday for lunch, and she was similarly… concerned. I’m starting to think that our friends may have orchestrated a group effort in secret.” Umi was unsure how to feel about this development. On one hand she felt as though her friends had been poking their noses in to business that wasn’t theirs, but then again…

“Well that definitely sounds like something they would do,” Kotori chuckled. “At least it shows they care about us, right?” Umi couldn’t deny that it was pleasing to know how much their friends had tried to help. Even if a part of her still felt that they cared slightly _too_ much. “And now they don’t need to be worried!”

“True. I’m thankful that things can go back to normal now.” Even as Umi’s mouth spoke those words, her brain was uncertain of what normal was anymore. Umi wasn’t a fool, she knew this wouldn’t fix everything. She knew the hurt would stay. Though now she had her best friend back, that had to help, right?

Umi was tired of thinking. That could wait, for now.

After all, tonight was Eli’s birthday.

* * *

As Umi approached their usual table, drink in hand, she noticed several things. One, Hanayo was passed out with her head on the table with Rin cuddled up to her. Two, Honoka, Nico and Eli were doing _even more_ shots, seemingly locked in some sort of competition. Three, Nico was by far the drunkest of the three, though she appeared to be keeping up well with the Russian girl. And four, most importantly of all, Kotori seemed to be having a great time without getting super drunk, as she was enjoying a conversation with Maki.

“She seems happier now, doesn’t she?”

The sudden voice to Umi’s side startled her, nearly making her lose her grip on the drink she was holding. Classic Nozomi, always appearing out of nowhere, always ostensibly able to read people’s thoughts.

“What do you mean?” Umi asked, feigning ignorance despite knowing Nozomi could read her like a book. Nozomi chuckled softly, an all-knowing smile on her face.

“This is the happiest I’ve seen Kotori for a while. That being said, it’s also the first time I’ve seen Kotori for a couple of weeks, but my point still stands.” At that, Umi took another glance at the table, at the smile on Kotori’s face that hadn’t gone away since their conversation outside the bathroom.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m glad she’s smiling again.” That was all that mattered, right?

“On that note, how have you been? I haven’t really seen you around lately, though I know you met with Elicchi for lunch last weekend.” Once again, Umi felt as though the purple-haired girl knew the answer before she even asked, though she answered regardless.

“I’ve had a tough couple of weeks, but I’m doing better now. I’m glad that we can all celebrate Eli’s birthday together.” Though as Umi watched Nico put another shot away, then shifted her gaze to Hanayo who was still fast asleep, she wasn’t sure how much longer that would last.

“As am I. It’s nice to see everyone having a good time together. Let’s join in with the fun, shall we?” Nozomi started making her way towards the table, Umi in tow, and they both pulled up a chair to squeeze onto the same table as the others. Umi found herself between Nozomi and Maki, and she exchanged a quick greeting with Maki as she sat down. Umi hadn’t talked with the redhead since the brief messages they had exchanged a week ago, and she realised she would likely need to update her friend on what had occurred between her and Kotori. After all, Maki was the only person she’d talked to about her feelings for Kotori, even if some of their friends had likely figured it out by now ( _especially_ Nozomi).

Though after a moment or two, Umi could feel Maki’s gaze on her, as if she were under a scientist’s microscope. Slightly unnerved from being watched, Umi kept drinking steadily, trying to act natural. From the corner of her eye, Umi could see Maki’s brows furrow as she searched the bluenette’s face, but what was she searching for? Perhaps she, as apparently many of her friends had been, was also concerned about Umi’s wellbeing, and was looking for clues. In that case, Umi would certainly have to reassure her that everything was fine, because… because it was. Everything was great, in fact, because how could it not be? She was with all of her friends, and everyone was having a great time. Eli was enjoying her 21st birthday, Nozomi was enjoying her night off work with her girlfriend, and Kotori… Kotori was smiling again. How could everything not be fine?

In fact, everything was _so_ fine that Umi decided to express that by buying a round of shots. All of her friends deserved one, really, even Nico (who was unlikely to make it through the night without throwing up). So as Umi announced her intentions, which were met with a cheer from most of the group, she returned to the bar to buy nine shots of… tequila, that sounded like a sensible choice, right? As soon as she had placed her order, she realised Maki had appeared beside her.

“Hey Maki! Is tequila fine with you?” 

Umi’s logical question was met with a slight frown from Maki.

“Are you… feeling ok?” the redhead asked, seemingly still concerned as it was written all over her face. At least now Umi had the chance to tell her that there was no need to be.

“I’m feeling great! I’m so glad that all of us are here together, and Eli’s having a wonderful birthday!”

That only deepened Maki’s frown a touch, which obviously confused Umi. Did Maki not believe her? Surely she could see how much fun everyone was having, how much they were all smiling…

“Ok, if you’re sure…” Maki began, raising an eyebrow. “Remember, I’m always here to listen if you need to talk about anything.”

Her friend being so caring should have warmed Umi’s heart, yet all it seemed to do was annoy her. Sure, it was great that she cared, but there was _nothing_ to be worried about. She was wasting her time. Not only that, but Maki clearly didn’t believe her, which was… Umi struggled to piece together why, but it certainly annoyed her.

“Listen, you don’t need to worry, ok? I understand that you care and I appreciate that, but I promise I’m fine.” Before Umi could go further, the bartender brought over a tray of nine tequila shots, with some limes and a small glass of salt in the middle. Umi thanked the man and paid him, with a slight tip because she was in a good mood, and picked up the tray. “Now, let’s get back to our friends and enjoy these.” Without waiting for a response or a reaction from Maki, Umi made her way back, taking care to not spill any of the shots.

Back at the bar, Maki mumbled something under her breath and ordered two more shots for herself.


	5. Priorities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Umi has regrets, Maki has regrets, and Kotori has regrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Had a weird time writing this chapter where I wrote 75% of it in less than a day, then the rest very slowly over two weeks. But here it is, hope you enjoy!

### Priorities

It wasn’t often that Umi woke up with a hangover, but when she did they hit her hard. That’s why as soon as she stirred from her slumber on Saturday morning, she knew she’d fucked up. Her first instinct that her semi-functioning brain produced was to go through the events of the previous night and figure out why her head was pounding and she felt as though too sudden a movement would lead to her throwing up (this time without a concussion, hopefully). 

Umi remembered shots at Nico’s place, talking (lying) to Kotori, more shots, getting to _DASH!_ , even _more_ shots… did she buy a round of shots? Oh no, she did – memories of deciding that would be a good idea for whatever reason, talking to Maki at the bar, going back to the table and so much tequila… then what? Dancing? There were some images floating around her mind of the flashing lights, dancing with Eli and Nozomi and… Kotori, she looked so beautiful on the dance floor, carefree and smiling, without a care in the world. Then… oh shit, did she throw up in the toilets? Umi had a fuzzy memory of Nozomi taking care of her in a bathroom stall, but no memory of actually vomiting. After that, back to their original table, then sometime later an Uber ride home with Kotori and Honoka… and that was it.

Well, at least it seemed that she didn’t do anything too embarrassing, Umi thought to herself while dragging herself to the kitchen for a glass of water. If she did throw up that certainly wasn’t ideal, but at least Nozomi was there to help her. A positive was that as far as she could recall, everyone had a fun night; Rin and Hanayo left early but enjoyed their brief time there, Nico downed an incredible number of shots and spent most of the night on the dance floor with Maki, Eli had a birthday that would be simultaneously unforgettable yet hard to remember. 

Kotori was the happiest Umi had seen her in a long time.

“Hey Umi, how are you feeling?”

While Umi had been lost in her thoughts in the kitchen, Kotori had appeared in the doorway, still wearing her adorable bunny-themed pyjamas. She appeared to be suffering less than Umi, which made sense considering Umi couldn’t recall her drinking as much as the others.

“I’m ok… just about. How about you?” As Umi spoke, her voice sounded hoarse and her throat felt awfully dry, so she took a large drink of the cold water. 

“I’m good! I got a lot of sleep so I don’t feel too rough. You look a little…” Kotori paused as she searched for a nice way to phrase her thoughts. “A little under the weather?” Umi chuckled, her throat now noticeably less dry.

“Yeah, you could say that. I definitely had more to drink than I intended. Still, I had a very fun night.” That much was certainly true, despite the discomfort she felt now.

“Me too! It was nice to see everyone out together, right? Everyone had loads of fun, especially Eli…” Kotori trailed off with a giggle, leading Umi to feel as though she was missing something. “Do you not remember what happened in the toilets?” Clearly Kotori had picked up on Umi’s confusion, which had now only increased.

“Um… do you mean about me throwing up?”

Kotori shook her head, giggling some more.

“Nope, I don’t think you actually threw up in the end. You looked a little pale on the dance floor so Nozomi took you to the bathroom, and then you passed out for a bit in the bathroom stall.” Oh no… that was embarrassing. That would explain why that part of her memory was so fuzzy. “Eli went to check on you after a while, then a few minutes later I did the same… Then when I opened the door to the stall, Nozomi and Eli were making out while you were still asleep, leaning against the wall!” At this point Kotori was unable to restrain herself, and her laughter doubled in volume. A blush quickly spread across Umi’s face, and she made a mental note to berate the two lovebirds later.

“Shameless…” Umi muttered, watching Kotori’s laughter finally die down.

“I told them off, but it was still so funny… On the bright side, when you woke up you seemed fine!” Silver linings, Umi thought.

“That’s good, I suppose. I would say I couldn’t believe they would do such a thing, but…”

“But they absolutely would!” Kotori finished, giggling again. “Anyway, I’m gonna head back to my room and relax for a bit. You should probably get some more sleep, right?”

“Yes, I think I should. I’ll see you later.” Kotori gave a quick wave then retreated to her room. As Umi watched her go, she noticed a feeling that she’d been missing lately. The feeling that everything was as it should be. She’d missed being able to chat with Kotori nonchalantly, being able to ignore the mixture of fulfilment and dull sadness she felt in her chest whenever Kotori smiled. Even if that pain was still there… it was easier to ignore knowing Kotori’s pain had ceased.

* * *

Umi easily spotted Maki’s red hair as soon as she entered the café. Maki spotted her just as quickly, offering a smile and a small wave. Umi bought a sandwich from the counter and joined her friend, having agreed to meet up for lunch in advance. Originally Maki had suggested meeting up on the Sunday, but Umi had apparently needed a whole weekend of rest after the Friday night, so their plan was moved to Monday instead.

“So, how are you today?” Maki began, a hint of caution in her tone of voice.

“I’m fine, thank you. My morning classes were pretty dull, but I didn’t mind that. How about you?” Umi had been truly thankful for an uneventful morning, having already had enough excitement for one month.

“Not too bad. Classes have been kind of hard lately, but I’m making sure I stay on top of things. I’m still studying as much as I can, despite…” Maki trailed off, though Umi already knew what she meant.

“Nico? I imagine she’s taking up a lot of your free time now that you’re officially a couple. How’s that been going, by the way?” Umi was genuinely curious as to how their relationship was progressing, especially since she felt a small sense of pride that Maki had opened up to her about her crush.

“It’s been… really great, to be honest.” Maki couldn’t stop her smile growing, a faint blush on her cheeks. “We’ve been hanging out a lot after classes, and we’ve been on proper dates a few times now. I’m… I don’t think I could be happier.” The sincerity in her voice was not lost on Umi, and it had a similar effect to when Maki had initially told her that they had been on their first date. She felt the warmth and joy of her friends finding happiness mixed with the jealousy of being unable to experience it herself. It was a similar sensation she felt whenever she saw Kotori smile. If only feelings could be simpler…

“I’m really happy to hear that.” Umi chose to focus on the positive emotions to the best of her ability, returning Maki’s heartfelt smile. “I’m glad that everything went so well for the both of you, you both deserve it.” This time it was Maki’s smile that faltered briefly, followed by a pause as Maki seemed to internally debate what to say next.

“So um… did you end up talking to Kotori about… about what happened at _DASH!_ a couple of weeks ago?” Maki still seemed cautious, almost nervous about how Umi would respond. Umi should have known this was coming, really. She suspected it was at least partly why Maki had suggested meeting up to begin with, especially with their brief conversation at the bar on Friday.

“Kotori… suggested that we both forget that it happened and move on, so that’s what we’ve done. We’re better off as friends, and that’s how we’ll stay.”

Those words still hurt to speak, but Umi hoped that it would be easier to say as time passed.

“But… that’s not what you want, right?” Maki replied, frowning.

“I want Kotori to be happy, and I want us to still be friends. So as far as that’s concerned, this is what I want.” Umi could feel an uncomfortable tension building between them, lunch forgotten for the time being.

“You also want to be in a relationship with her, and you’re ignoring that. You can’t just shove your own feelings aside because Kotori seems happier that way.” Umi could feel her anger developing, though she waited politely for her friend to finish. “Do you even know how she feels? Don’t you think she might have asked you to forget about the kiss because she’s sca–”

“That’s _enough_!”

Umi’s patience finally gave way, and her interruption most certainly attracted the attention of several nearby tables. She continued, her voice now hushed.

“Right now, it doesn’t matter _why_ Kotori wants us to forget about what happened. All I know is she was unhappy, and she’s much happier with us staying as friends and carrying on as normal. Her happiness it what matters the most to me, and I’ll do whatever I can to help that.”

Maki’s facial expression shifted from frustration to disappointment, her frown lifting slightly.

“I still feel like you’re ignoring your own feelings. I understand that you want her to be happy, but ensuring her happiness at the cost of yours isn’t a solution.”

“Then what exactly do you propose instead? Push her further, and hope there’s a tiny chance of her feeling the same, at the risk of ruining our friendship? It’s not worth that risk. Not all of us can be lucky like you and Nico.”

At that, Maki’s expression changed altogether, this time to one of shock and sorrow. Umi felt a hint of regret for sounding so bitter towards her friends’ happiness, though perhaps it was necessary to drive the point home. Maki didn’t reply straight away, instead looking down at her sandwich miserably. Umi opened her mouth to apologise, but Maki beat her to it.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so hard on you. I know you’re in a difficult situation, and I understand why Kotori’s happiness is so important to you.” Maki still didn’t look up from her food, and if anything Umi only felt worse after the apology.

“I should be the one apologising. You were only looking out for my well-being, and I reacted badly because… well I suppose because of how frustrating this whole situation has been. Relating my position to you and Nico was unnecessary, and I apologise for doing that. I am truly happy that you and Nico have found each other.”

Maki finally looked up from the table and Umi gave her the warmest smile she could manage. Umi didn’t want to fall out with someone she had only recently gotten to know, especially when they had hit it off so well initially. She knew Maki had a good heart and good intentions, as did all of the people she was grateful to call friends.

“Thanks,” Maki mumbled, blushing slightly. “I just wish everyone could feel this happy.”

Umi chuckled dryly on instinct, because it really was quite funny. It humoured Umi that sometimes Maki seemed incredibly naïve, sheltered almost. Naivety aside, Maki truly did want the best for her, but sadly not everyone could be that lucky.

“Me too.”

* * *

Umi spent the majority of her Monday afternoon with her conversation with Maki floating around her head. On the walk home her mind was occupied with thoughts of jealousy that she tried to tune out, attempting to instead focus on the positives of her renewed friendship with Kotori. Despite those efforts, it took one step into her kitchen and eye contact with her friend to make her heart skip a beat, as it so often did when they were together. Curse her gay heart.

“Hey Umi! How were your classes?” Kotori asked in a voice so sweet that Umi almost forgot to reply, shaking her head quickly to clear her head of the unmistakably homosexual thoughts cluttering it.

“They were fine, thanks. It was a pretty easy day. How about you?” 

Umi set her bag down on the floor, sitting on a stool they kept in the corner of the kitchen. 

“It was fun! We’re starting work on a new project this week, and our professor asked us to…” When Kotori started talking about her university work, it was almost impossible to stop her – not that Umi wanted to, she was perfectly content to listen to Kotori talk about her passion for hours on end. She would often get excited when talking about a certain project they were on, or something that one of her professors said, and Umi loved seeing her eyes sparkle or the adorable hand gestures she made. In fact, they both _barely_ noticed Honoka return home and practically slam the door, skipping into view.

“Hey guys! How’s it going?” 

“We’re great!” Kotori replied earnestly. “We’ve just been talking about our classes today.” Umi didn’t bother to mention that 90% of their conversation had been Kotori talking and Umi patiently listening and nodding.

“Nice! You recovered from Friday yet, Umi?” Honoka asked, grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

“Yes, just about,” Umi replied honestly. She still felt a little tired, but that seemed normal considering how much she had to drink.

“Oooh, speaking of that, are you guys coming out this Friday? Nico, Maki and Rin all said they’re coming, but Hanayo is seeing her family and Eli says she has a job interview, or something like that.” 

Honoka was almost bouncing while discussing this topic, which wasn’t particularly unusual for her. Umi hadn’t thought about the upcoming Friday yet (having spent so long recovering from the previous one) though now she was considering it, she couldn’t think of a good reason not to go. Last Friday had been incredibly fun, despite the messiness, and it felt nice to freely talk to her friends again without the fear of her rift with Kotori being brought up.

“Sure, I’ll come.”

Honoka’s face lit up, seemingly surprised at Umi agreeing to the night out so willingly.

“Really? Awesome! How about you, Kotori?”

The brunette fidgeted at the spotlight being moved to her, before giving an apologetic smile.

“I can’t come out on Friday, sorry. I need to be up early on Saturday for…” Kotori paused and fidgeted more, stuck in a mental struggle of deciding how much information to divulge. After a few seconds of silence, she sighed and looked back up. “So, um, I have a job now. I… I was starting to struggle with having enough to pay the rent, so I got a job at a café in town. I’ve been working there a lot lately so I don’t have to worry about money for a while, which is why I haven’t been around much lately.”

Well, that certainly explained a lot. Umi had been worried that Kotori’s lack of presence in the flat had been largely due to their ‘falling out’, so it was something of a relief to find out that wasn’t the case. Kotori seemed rather embarrassed at having to reveal her monetary troubles, which gave Umi a pang of guilt. On top of what had been going on between them, Kotori had been having her own problems, and working hard to solve them.

Umi rose from her seat and placed a hand on Kotori’s arm, hoping it would reassure her.

“That’s fine, you don’t need to be embarrassed about it. You should have said earlier that you were struggling, perhaps we could have helped?”

“Yeah,” Honoka joined in, “we’ll help you as much as we can! You can always tell us anything, Kotori!”

Kotori seemed taken aback momentarily before giving her friends a warm smile.

“Thanks guys, I appreciate the offer. Though… this was something I wanted to fix on my own. I should have told you guys earlier about getting a job, but… I guess I felt a bit ashamed that it had come to this.”

Classic Kotori, Umi thought: kind and headstrong, sometimes to a fault. She could relate to her friend wanting to work through her problems by herself, especially since that had been Umi’s philosophy for the last couple of weeks. Perhaps that was their stubbornness coming through, or maybe not wanting to appear weak. 

“I understand how you feel, but I promise there’s no need to feel that way,” Umi began. “Lots of people struggle with money, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, getting a job to fix that is very mature of you. In future, please don’t hesitate to tell us if you’re having issues, okay?”

With each word, Kotori’s smile grew larger, a sight that warmed Umi’s heart.

“Yeah, Umi’s right! We’re here for you!” Honoka pulled Kotori into a sudden hug, a small squeak coming out of the latter. “Come on Umi, group hug time!”

Kotori looked at Umi over Honoka’s shoulder, and though she was smiling slightly and holding eye contact with the bluenette, Umi could have sworn her friend was blushing. It was out of character, and _insanely_ cute. Umi returned the smile and moved in, hugging both of her closest friends.

“Thanks, guys. You’re both amazing.” Kotori mumbled into Honoka’s shoulder.

Moments like this, Umi thought to herself, were priceless.


	6. Band Practice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Honoka has a great idea, Eli gets a job, and Nozomi gets a promotion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is a tad different - it focuses on something other than the main story, taking a nice little detour away from the angst towards something that will be clearer later on. Just something I wanted to include in this saga. But don't worry, the next few chapters will be full of angsty plot progression! Hope you all enjoy this nonetheless!

### Band Practice

By the time Umi and Honoka arrived at _DASH!_ , a tad later than usual since Honoka had spent the majority of her evening listening to the new A-RISE song on repeat rather than getting ready, their friends were already present in the usual spot. Of course, Honoka being Honoka, her first topic of conversation just _had_ to be that new song, asking everyone what their thoughts were on it. Umi had never been a huge fan of the band, though she could understand the appeal – truth be told, her music taste wasn’t as wide nor as specific as her friends, yet she chose to frequent _DASH!_ largely due to the friends she had made there.

“I think it’s great!” Rin exclaimed, almost as excited as Honoka. “Hana loves it too, obviously! We can’t wait to see them next Saturday!”

Ah yes, A-RISE were playing their long-awaited headline show next week. Then again, it’s not like Umi had been allowed to forget that – she did live with their biggest fan, after all. Well, one of their biggest fans (Nico and Hanayo both rivalled Honoka in that department). All nine of the members of their group chat had tickets, even Maki (thanks to Nico). Umi mostly agreed because she knew Kotori would be going, and she would likely feel left out if all of her close friends went without her. At least now she had Maki to hang out with while everyone else fangirled to their heart’s content.

“Me too,” Nico butted in. “Nico hasn’t seen them live for nearly three years, I can’t believe it’s only eight days away!”

“I can’t believe this is going to be my first time _ever_ seeing them!” Honoka’s volume level was higher than usual, almost painfully so. 

Umi shot a sideways glance at Maki, who rolled her eyes as their friends carried on their A-RISE-related hysteria. Umi knew Maki was used to this from spending time with Nico, most likely from Hanayo too.

“When do you think they’ll stop?” Umi quietly whispered to the redhead, though whispering likely wasn’t necessary with how engulfed the others were in their discussion.

“Ten minutes, maybe? Though that feels optimistic…” Maki replied, clearly unimpressed. Though as soon as her words were uttered, Honoka redirected her attention towards the pair, seemingly wanting to get them involved.

“Hey, what do you guys think of the song?”

Umi held back a sigh and chose the easy way out.

“It’s fine, I suppose.”

There, concise and safe.

“I didn’t think it was that good.”

Oh, Maki. Now you’ve done it.

“What? It’s so amazing, though!” Honoka began. “Tsubasa’s voice is perfect, and the guitar in the chorus is so good!”

“And the drum beat in the verse is so cool!” Ah, now it was Rin’s turn. “I wish I was as good as Anju, she’s the best drummer I know!”

“She thinks they would be better if they had a keyboard player,” Nico said, grinning at Maki.

“Well… it’s true, most bands sound better with keys,” Maki pointed out, now acting on the defence.

“For someone who acts like they don’t like A-RISE, you went to an awful lot of effort writing your own keyboard part for their newest song.” Nico’s sly grin was in full force now, and Maki’s defence was quickly crumbling.

“Well I… I’m just showing how good they could be if they had one,” Maki grumbled, knowing she was beaten.

“I didn’t know you played keyboard, that’s so cool!” Honoka injected herself back into the conversation, enthusiasm renewed. Maki blushed a little at more attention being placed on her, and for now Umi was content to sit back and listen.

“I played piano a lot when I was younger. I missed playing it, so I bought a keyboard a couple of weeks ago. It’s been really fun to play again.” Maki couldn’t help but smile at the thought – another example of her cute honesty, Umi considered.

“Sweet, I’m glad you started playing again!” Rin enthused. “Whenever we heard you play in high school you were always really amazing!”

“Um, thanks…” Maki mumbled. She didn’t seem to deal too well with receiving praise, which was something Umi could relate to, to an extent. 

“See Maki? I told you that people liked to listen to you,” Nico added, leaning into her girlfriend’s side, which obviously increased Maki’s blush tenfold.

“Hey Rin, you play drums right?” Honoka asked, taking the attention away from poor Maki.

“Yep! I’m not that good though,” Rin continued almost sheepishly.

“Hey, I bet you’re pretty good! You’re really athletic so that must be really helpful for drumming!”

Honoka did have a point there, Umi mused. Drummers often needed very high stamina to play multiple songs, especially those in rock bands. She had no doubt that Rin would have the energy necessary to do so.

“Yeah, that definitely helps! It’s a really good workout!”

“Oh, Nico, don’t you play guitar?” Honoka asked, seemingly working her way round the table.

“I do! Not too bad at it either, if I do say so myself.”

Umi quickly realised she was next in the line of questioning.

“Umi, you still play bass sometimes, right?” Honoka seemed to somehow be getting more excited with each question, which was truly an impressive feat.

“Occasionally, not as much as I used to though. Is there something you’re getting at here?”

Honoka was apparently overjoyed that she’d been asked, as she leapt out of her seat, drink still in hand.

“Let’s start a band!”

Silence from the other four members of the table, even Rin.

“Come on guys, think about it! Rin on drums, Maki on keys, Nico on guitar, Umi on bass, and me singing! I know my singing isn’t that great, but I can learn to get better! We have similar music taste, too! So, what do you guys think?”

Umi contemplated her friend’s sudden suggestion, and… found that she didn’t actually hate the idea. It would be nice to play her bass guitar more often, as she had done in high school. Although their tastes differed somewhat, the five of them covered a good range of music: Honoka and Rin loved pop and pop-punk, Maki’s tastes blended between classical and more modern emo music, Nico was a fan of almost everything, and Umi generally listened to more popular rock music (though far less often than most of her friends).

“I don’t know if I’m good enough for that…” Rin said in an uncharacteristically timid voice.

“Sure you are! If we practice together then you can get even better, too!” Honoka exclaimed. “This would be a great way for us all to play more and get better, and eventually we can make our own music!”

Again, Umi was disconcerted by how much sense Honoka was currently making. 

“Hey, this might not be such a bad idea,” Nico began. “We could hire one of the university’s music rooms to practice in.”

“Surprisingly, I also don’t think it’s a terrible idea,” Umi added.

“Cool! Hey Maki, what do you think?”

Honoka’s latest change of focus caught Maki off guard, leading to a blush and a stammer.

“I-I’m not… I guess it’s not horrible…” 

Maki seemed to still be deciding on her thoughts, her eyebrows knitted as she went through the suggestion in her mind. After several seconds of silent anticipation from the group, she spoke up once more.

“I suppose it could work?”

“It totally could!” Honoka’s excitement was now at unparalleled levels, some of her drink flying from her cup as she gestured wildly. “We’ll be great! Once we write our own songs we can perform at university talent shows!”

“I know there’s someone here that has experience in composing music…” Nico piped up, gently nudging her girlfriend’s arm and causing her blush to return.

“Um… I used to write songs sometimes when I played piano a lot… but that’s not really the same kind of music.”

“I remember when you showed Hana and I a song you wrote in high school!” Rin interjected. “It was amazing, it sounded like one of those really old composers made it!”

“So you know music theory and stuff?” Honoka asked the red-faced redhead.

“I was taught music theory when I was young because of my piano lessons. So, in theory… I could maybe write music for us?”

Maki certainly seemed to be warming up to the idea, also realising that for once Honoka may actually have some good points.

“Amazing!” Honoka shouted. “Did you ever write lyrics for them? Maybe you could show us sometime!” 

“No, I tried sometimes but I could never really get the hang of it.”

At this point Honoka went back into thinking mode for a few moments, then sprang up again as if there was a lightbulb above her head.

“Hey Umi, you were really great at writing in high school! Do you think you could try writing lyrics?”

Writing lyrics for songs… Umi had never really though about it. It certainly sounded difficult, though she supposed she could try.

“Perhaps, maybe with some help though. That being said, aren’t we getting a little carried away here?”

Honoka giggled and finished off what was left of her drink, slamming the empty cup back down onto the table.

“Maybe, but it’s fun to think about, right? We can talk more about this later, cause now I need another drink!”

Just like that, Honoka dashed off towards the bar, leaving her friends feeling as though they’d been hit by a hurricane. Honoka tended to have that effect on most people she interacted with, even those she’d known for years. The remaining group exchanged looks before Rin and Nico burst out laughing. 

“Classic Honoka, always getting ahead of herself,” Nico mused. “Still, Nico also needs another drink after that.”

“Me too!” Rin joined Nico in standing up, and both made their way to the bar.

Umi and Maki exchanged another glance, smiling and then chuckling.

“Who would’ve thought we’d spent tonight talking about being in a band together?” Maki said, smiling brightly. Umi sighed and looked over at their friends.

“I don’t think many things surprise me these days. Especially in _DASH!_ ”

* * *

Nico, Rin and Honoka had been taking their time at the bar, so Umi and Maki decided it was best to finish their drinks and join them for another. Though as soon as they reached the bar it became clear why their friends were still here – Eli was behind the bar.

“So this was the ‘interview’ you were talking about then?” Nico asked, eyebrow raised.

Eli chuckled, glancing over at her purple-haired girlfriend who was serving another customer further down the bar.

“Well, it wasn’t exactly much of an interview in the end. The manager trusted Nozomi’s judgement enough that it was basically just a formality.”

“Nice! So was your birthday like, your last big night out before starting work here then?” Honoka asked.

“Yeah, that was the idea. I’d been thinking about it for a while, to be honest. It’s a great way of getting some extra money in while still spending time here.”

Nozomi finished with her customer and made her way over to the group, wrapping an arm around Eli.

“It’s also a great way for us to spend even more time together, right Elicchi?”

A rare blush from Eli, one that only Nozomi could bring out.

“Of course.”

“On top of Elicchi’s great news, I’ve got some of my own,” Nozomi added with an excited grin.

“Let me guess… you’re pregnant?”

“Not quite, Nicocchi. The news is that you’re looking at the new assistant bar manager of _DASH!_ ”

The group gasped before offering an assortment of congratulations. Umi wasn’t particularly shocked by the news – Nozomi was very good at her job, and she’d been working here for over a year. She was slightly more surprised at Eli choosing to swap over onto the other side of the bar, though it did seem to make sense in the long term.

“Thank you all,” Nozomi said earnestly. “So, have you guys had a fun night so far?”

“Yep! We’re gonna start a band!” 

You would have thought such a statement out of nowhere would confuse the listener with no context, but Nozomi never seemed to be surprised by anything. She always had a knack for knowing what was going on even when she had no reason to – either that or she was particularly good at hiding her confusion.

“That seems like excellent news. So, who’s in this band?”

“All of us,” Honoka replied with a gesture to the group on her side of the bar. “We’ve already worked out who’s going to play which instrument, and compose music, and write the lyrics…”

“Honoka, you’re getting carried away again,” Umi said flatly.

“Yeah, shouldn’t we talk about this more when we’re sober?” Maki suggested, Umi continuing to be thankful for having another voice of reason around.

“Of course!” Honoka responded. “Soon we’ll talk about this properly, and figure out where to practice, what kind of music to play, our name…”

Umi had to give credit to Honoka’s ability to think things like this through to a surprising degree. Despite her typical airhead personality, when she made an effort she could plan out her ideas remarkably effectively. When she was pointed in the right direction, she was a force to be reckoned with.

“Sounds like you’ve thought about this a lot,” Nozomi reflected.

“Nope! It just sort of came together in my mind when we were talking about all the different instruments we play as a group. It would be a shame to put that to waste!” 

Umi chose not to point out that she was the only one of the group to not play a musical instrument. It was true that Honoka could sing decently, though she would likely need lessons and a lot of practice to be the lead singer of a band. Again, useful optimism.

“Interesting…” Nozomi contemplated, glancing over at her girlfriend who was currently dealing with an overly inebriated customer. “Y’know, if there’s any way Elicchi or I could help with this little project, we’d love to be a part of it in some way.”

“Cool! The more people we get involved, the better!” Honoka cheered. “I’m sure we can get Kotori and Hanayo involved too, even though they don’t play any instruments. We’ll find a way to include everyone!”

Honoka often had a knack for bringing all of her friends into her hairbrained schemes. For once, Umi thought as Nozomi poured out drinks for their group, that might not be a bad thing.

Though at the mention of Kotori’s name, Umi realised that for once her mind had been free from any jealous or depressing thoughts. She hadn’t thought once about Kotori during their night so far.

Maybe, just maybe… she was making progress.


	7. Breaking Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Umi's had enough with Kotori, Maki's had enough with the pair of them, and Nico comes up with a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter features a POV change, something I wouldn't normally do but it felt like it fit, especially since it's going back to the character the first story's POV was in. This chapter has feels with a side of drama. Enjoy!

### Breaking Point

“Hey, what was that for Rin?”

“Oops! I didn’t mean to hit you Nico, that was meant for Honoka!”

“Hey, don’t hit me just cause I’m better than you!”

Umi wasn’t sure she understood the point of playing Mario Kart as a drinking game, but nevertheless that was what those three had spent the last half hour doing. Since it was Rin’s birthday (hence why the nine girls were all celebrating in Rin and Hanayo’s cramped flat on a Tuesday night), she had chosen her favourite form of entertainment – despite only owning three Nintendo Switch controllers. So while they continued their spiral into drunkenly arguing over who threw the green shell that stopped Honoka from winning the race, the rest of the group had to be mostly content with watching.

While those three were free to drink, some of the group (including Umi) weren’t so lucky, having classes or other work the next day. Umi was due to leave early the following morning for a class trip to a nearby city, one that was due to last until Friday afternoon. Maki, Nozomi and Hanayo were also unable to drink, while Eli had decided to be a responsible third-year student and crack open a new bottle of vodka despite her looming 9am class. Umi couldn’t say she was surprised, especially since Eli no longer had the ability to drink on Fridays.

That left Kotori, who was also drinking freely, making up for not being out with her friends on Friday. In fact, she was keeping up well with the Mario Kart trio, despite not being a part of their drinking game. Instead she was sat uncomfortably close to Umi, and Umi could have sworn she was getting closer by the minute (and by every drink). Kotori had been talking to Nozomi about something work-related – Umi hadn’t really been paying attention since she was too focused on just how _close_ Kotori was getting – and though Kotori’s conversation wasn’t aimed at her, Umi was certain she was still edging closer.

“Don’t you agree, Umi?”

“Eh?” Umi gracefully snapped out of her thoughts, having completely missed Nozomi’s question. “Sorry, I spaced out for a second there.”

“No problem,” Nozomi replied with her usual warm-yet-all-knowing smile. “I asked if you agree that Kotori is an incredibly hard-working girl, working a job while still keeping up with her studies.”

“Of course. Kotori is one of the hardest workers I know, I’m not surprised she’s able to both study and work effectively.”

Kotori looked at Umi with the most adorable blush on her face, then proceeded to grab onto the bluenette’s arm and hug it tightly.

“Umiii! That’s so nice!”

Ah, so she was already at this stage of drunkenness. The last time Kotori acted like this was when… Umi had to resist frowning at the thought. Umi had hoped that Kotori’s tendency to initiate more physical contact while inebriated would be less frequent after what had occurred between them, but that didn’t appear to be the case. Umi had _especially_ hoped Kotori would be more averse to initiating it when the kiss had seemingly shaken her up so much, but… this had been normal for them, Umi supposed. Kotori wanted everything to go back to the way it used to be, and apparently this was a part of that.

Although Umi used to relax into the hugs and touches in the past, now she found herself struggling to do so. Now she was doing quite the opposite, in fact – she felt herself tense up at the contact. It was unclear whether or not Kotori noticed, but Nozomi’s raised eyebrows showed that she certainly did. Umi looked away from the pair of them, feeling generally uncomfortable in her current situation. Unwanted physical contact with an audience, on top of the loud noise from Rin and the others, was enough for Umi to want out. 

“Um, can you excuse me for a moment?”

With that, Kotori lessened her hold and Umi quickly stood, making her way towards the balcony before either of her friends could reply. She needed fresh air, some time away from the noise and… well, from Kotori. Umi knew she was perhaps being a tad overdramatic, but she really thought Kotori would start to think twice about her behaviour, especially after kissing someone out of nowhere. Since they went back to ‘normal’, Kotori hadn’t done anything to make Umi uncomfortable, and Umi hoped the same could be said for her towards Kotori.

Though now, Kotori was drinking. That seemed to be when problems occurred – whenever Kotori drank excessive amounts of alcohol. Her rational thought often went out the window, and usually Umi had to pay the price, one way or another. Tonight, Kotori had evidently forgotten everything that had happened between them, and had returned to being uncomfortably close.

Just like normal.

What was ‘normal’ for them? Kotori frequently getting drunk and physical to the extent that it made Umi feel awkward? That being said, despite Umi’s occasional complaints in the past, she never used to be this put off by the contact. Perhaps in the past Umi accepted it because she knew that was all it would ever be – drunk hugs and fleeting touches that Umi really did want, but she wanted _more_ , so much more and not just when Kotori’s inhibitions were lowered. Yet now Umi knew with certainty that there would never be more, even after the kiss that gave her hope.

The kiss that meant nothing.

Just like all the drunk physical contact.

This was normal for Kotori.

Umi heard the door slide open behind her, then the steps approaching her. She made a point of not looking at who was joining her, because there was only one person it could be. The steps ceased at her side, then there was a head rested on her shoulder.  
Then arms were wrapped around her.

“Is something wrong, Umi?”

Umi grabbed Kotori’s arms and pulled them off her, lightly shoving her away.

“Why are you doing this?”

She could hear the bitterness in her voice, mixed with all the despair she’d ever felt. Unsurprisingly, Kotori looked shocked, unsure how to reply. Umi didn’t really know where to go from here either. It was useless trying to properly confront Kotori about her actions, because Umi truly doubted they meant anything to her. Before Umi went any further, she saw Kotori’s expression turn from shock to sorrow and hurt. Maybe she did understand what she was doing after all? Who knows, Umi thought.

Who cares?

Umi said nothing further, nor did she wait for Kotori to put together a response. She stepped back inside the apartment, walked all the way through it to the front door, and left without another word.

* * *

Maki knew something was wrong as soon as Umi came back inside, her face clouded over in a way she hadn’t previously witnessed. Eli and Nozomi were chatting (or more likely making out) in the kitchen while the three drunkards were still Mario Karting to their heart’s content, so Maki had been idly chatting with Hanayo about their respective classes. When Umi returned, she picked up her jacket from the couch, not bothering to even put it on before heading straight to the exit. Hanayo asked Umi in her usual timid voice if anything was wrong, though Maki doubt the latter even heard the question.

Maki wasn’t a fool, she knew something must have happened between Umi and Kotori on the balcony. To get to the bottom of this, there was only one thing she could do. She excused herself and stepped out onto the balcony, expecting to see Kotori leaning against the railing and looking into the night sky or into the distance. Instead, there was a faint sobbing coming from the corner of the balcony, where Kotori was now slumped.

“Kotori? What’s wrong?” Maki asked cautiously, knowing to tread carefully when the other girl was this drunk. Kotori froze when she heard the voice, then started rubbing at her eyes to wipe away the fresh tears.

“Oh, h-hey Maki, I’m f-fine…”

“No, you’re not,” Maki said plainly. Maki shut the balcony door behind her and sat down next to her despondent friend. “Something’s clearly upset you. I’m here to listen… if you’re willing to tell me.”

Kotori looked at Maki before shifting her eyes downwards, seemingly on the verge of tears again. Maki had always suspected that Umi and Kotori’s current situation wouldn’t end well, though she hadn’t suspected it to come to tears so soon.

“Umi hates me,” Kotori mumbled.

Well, Maki certainly doubted that.

“Why on earth would Umi hate you? You mean the world to her.”

“I’m in love with her.”

Maki paused a second to check that her brain had processed the electrical signals that Kotori’s words had caused correctly, because she could have _sworn_ that Kotori just said she was in love with Umi. Then what the fuck was the problem? Clearly something had gone very, _very_ wrong here. Now it was Maki’s job to figure out what that was.

“You’re… in love with Umi?”

Kotori gave a small nod, eyes still on the floor.

“And… why would that make Umi hate you?”

“Because it’s ruining our friendship,” Kotori began. “I love her, but she doesn’t feel the same way. I’m just burdening our friendship for no reason.”

Oh, Jesus Christ. How did she have this so wrong? How had Kotori spent all this time in love with Umi and somehow missed that Umi felt the same back? Even more so, how had Umi been going through the same predicament? Maki wanted to scream at them both, but now wasn’t the time.

The door to the balcony slid open, and Maki was glad to see it was only Nico. The last thing they needed was Honoka or Rin coming out here now.

“What’s going on out here?” Nico asked, eyebrows raised at the pair of them sat on the floor, Kotori’s eyes still red and puffy from crying.

“Could you close the door behind you?” Maki asked, and Nico did so swiftly.

“Umi and Kotori are both idiots who don’t realise they’re in love with each other.”

The effect was dramatic. Nico’s eyes widened as she turned her attention to Kotori, while the latter was left entirely speechless. At least, speechless for a few moments, before Maki’s words set in and Kotori was reduced to a stuttering, blushing mess.

“W-W-What? U-Umi’s in l-l-love with me?” she managed to get out. Honestly, from the scene she was making, Maki thought Kotori could pass out at any moment.

“Yep. She has been for years.” 

Maki felt a little bad for pushing Kotori even further, though she would be lying if she said she wasn’t enjoying this revelation at least a tiny bit. With how frustratingly dense the pair of them had been, they deserved a little embarrassment.

“Well, seems like I came out here at the right time,” Nico giggled, sliding down next to Maki and linking arms with her. Kotori’s mouth opened and closed several times as she tried to find the words to describe her feelings, leaving her looking like a fish out of water. To be fair, Maki couldn’t even imagine what Kotori was feeling currently. She had only endured this turmoil of uncertainty for a matter of two or three weeks, not… well, it had been multiple years for Umi, Kotori may have felt the same for just as long. Now that Kotori finally knew the truth, after all this time… fireworks had to be expected.

“I… I don’t believe this… how do you know for sure?” Kotori asked Maki. The redhead could see the fear in Kotori’s eyes, clearly afraid of something still going wrong despite now having this newfound hope.

The same hope that Umi must have had after their kiss.

“She told me a few weeks ago,” Maki started. “Not to be blunt, but… it was kind of obvious how she felt about you, to me anyway.” It had been clear to almost everyone. Almost.

“Eh? Really? But… how did I not notice?” Kotori asked, burying her head in her hands.

“Beats me,” Nico shrugged. “Hey, at least now you know, and we know you like her back! This is great!”

Kotori looked up, a smile finally on her face.

“Yeah, you’re right… I can’t believe this is finally happening!” Her smile widened and she sat up properly, eyes sparkling. Though her upturn in mood lasted for only a moment, as her expression soon became one of realisation. “Oh no. So when I kissed Umi… and then asked her to forget about it…”

“Yeah, I’m guessing that’s probably why she stormed out,” Maki finished Kotori’s thought process.

“Now she might _actually_ hate me,” Kotori muttered, “and I wouldn’t blame her for that either. I’ve been a terrible friend.”

Maki frowned slightly. Maybe she was being a touch too hard on Kotori. She’d clearly been going through a hard time herself lately, this wasn’t the time to kick her down further.

“There’s no way that could happen,” Nico chimed in. “She loves you in the same way you love her. Sure, you both could have noticed faster, but now we can fix this. All you have to do is explain to Umi how you feel.”

Maki wholeheartedly agreed with her girlfriend. Despite Kotori’s unintentional insensitivity at times, this wasn’t an unsolvable issue. Once Kotori explained her feelings and thought processes (or sometimes, lack of them), Maki knew they would be fine. They loved each other, and Maki was thrilled that her friends would get to feel as blissfully happy as her and Nico. They both deserved it.

“Yeah, you’re right. Thanks Nico,” Kotori said with a tired yet warm smile. “I just need to talk to her…”

“Maybe not tonight though,” Nico added. “It’s late, she’s in a bad mood, and you’re still drunk. This can wait until tomorrow.”

“There’s a slight problem with that,” Kotori replied. “She’s out of town on a class trip until Friday afternoon. She leaves early tomorrow morning, so I won’t get the chance to talk to her before then.”

Nico put on her thinking face (note: adorable). Maki could tell Nico was coming up with some sort of plan, and she wasn’t sure if she should be interested or concerned.

“Well, if you can’t see her before Friday, the best thing you can do tonight – once we get you some water – is to message her, apologise and say you’ll talk to her when she gets back. Granted, if she’s really mad she might not reply straight away, but that’s fine. Then on Friday… this is what we do.”


	8. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Umi's at breaking point and Kotori opens the floodgates.

### Revelations

Umi woke up from her nap feeling refreshed. Well, as refreshed as you can feel after a twenty-minute snooze on a bus. The weather hadn’t improved, the rain still falling from the heavens as it had been before her slumber, and Umi wasn’t sure her mood had changed much either. Her outburst on Tuesday had left her in a downcast mood, which wasn’t a huge surprise. After recent events, Umi wasn’t sure where to go from here. It was becoming increasingly obvious that resuming her ‘normal’ friendship with Kotori was a fruitless endeavour, so Umi knew something had to change. Knowing what to change, and how to change it, was easier said than done.

Umi had woken up to an apology message from Kotori on Wednesday morning and promptly turned her phone off. The apology seemed sincere, though Umi really didn’t know what to think anymore. She had no idea what went on inside Kotori’s head, or how she felt about any part of what had happened between them. The two girls were supposed to be best friends – they had been for as long as Umi could remember – but for the first time, Umi was starting to doubt that. In the past, Kotori had always come to Umi first whenever she had a problem or a secret to tell, a sign of the great trust and understanding their friendship used to have. Umi couldn’t be certain that level of honesty was still there.

Over the previous couple of days, Umi had managed to put her troubles to the back of her mind and enjoy her class trip (as much as one could enjoy a trip centred around business seminars), making the most of being away from any distractions. It was now Friday afternoon, and she was nearly home again – which meant soon enough, she would have to face Kotori. If that moment arrived… Umi wasn’t sure what she could say, other than accepting Kotori’s apology and moving on. At this point, she wasn’t sure what else would work.

Her thoughts were halted by a phone notification, a rare occurrence since she’d muted the group chat that she only infrequently checked.

Maki: Hey, could you come to DASH! tonight? I could use a drink

It struck Umi as odd that she would be Maki’s port of call for a drinking buddy, though Umi supposed she might have already asked her closer friends. Though Umi was tempted by a drink or two, the idea of staying in and relaxing was the more appealing one currently.

U: Sorry, I’ve had a long week and would like some rest tonight. Perhaps another time?

M: Please? I’ve had a fight with Nico and really need someone to talk to, and Hanayo and Rin are busy

M: It will just be the two of us

M: Just for one drink?

Umi frowned at the notion of Maki and Nico having a fight, one that was apparently bad enough that she was desperate for a friend to confide in. Though Umi wasn’t particularly in the mood for _DASH!_ , she couldn’t turn down a friend in need, especially one she had grown closer to recently. The assurance of none of their other friends being present also happened to be a benefit.

U: Ok, I’ll come out for a bit. Shall we meet there at 10?

M: Yeah, that works for me. Thanks Umi

As her bus neared its destination, Umi prayed that this night would be a quiet one.

* * *

As the Uber rounded the final corner of its journey, its passenger checked the time; 9:56pm, almost perfect. Umi’s objective for tonight was to be a good friend and a patient listener, feeling optimistic that she could aid Maki’s troubles in any way she could. Of course, Umi also hoped it wouldn’t take too long, but it was natural that she would want to have a restful night after her… rather _hectic_ week.

After thanking the driver and stepping out of the car, Umi smoothed down her leather jacket. She’d opted for a fairly casual outfit, topped off by her favourite jacket, one that Kotori had picked out on a shopping trip several months ago. Kotori obviously had always had an eye for these things, and Umi had to agree that the jacket certainly looked fitting on her. It had quickly become her favourite item of clothing, especially on nights out to _DASH!_ , to the point that it didn’t feel right going there without it. Kotori had always told her she looked handsome wearing it…

Umi was thankful her thoughts were soon drowned out by the usual blaring tunes, the music making it harder to think straight the closer she got to the entrance. She’d arranged to meet Maki in the smoking area outside, and sure enough there she was, leaning against the wall while checking her phone. Umi wasted no time in going over to greet her, eager to discover Maki’s problem as quickly as possible.

“Hey Maki,” Umi called out as she approached the redhead, who promptly raised her head and stashed her phone away.

“Hi Umi,” Maki replied with a smile, “how was your trip?”

Umi was slightly surprised to see Maki smile so brightly when she had recently had what seemed to be a large falling out with her girlfriend, but she put those thoughts to the side for now.

“Honestly, it was quite relaxing to get out of town for a few days,” Umi said truthfully. “I’m sorry for leaving Rin’s so quickly on Tuesday but I… I wasn’t particularly in the mood for celebrations.”

“It’s fine, I understand,” Maki quickly responded, smile still present. “Kotori did something that made you feel uncomfortable, so it makes sense that you didn’t want to stay after that.”

How did Maki know what reasons Umi had for leaving on that night? Did she witness Umi’s outburst on the balcony?

“Did… did Kotori talk to you at all after I left?” Umi asked, puzzled. Her confusion only increased further when she noticed Maki’s eyesight was no longer aimed at Umi, but rather over her left shoulder. 

“You could say that.”

Maki’s gaze switched back to Umi as she nodded pointedly over her shoulder, as if motioning for the bluenette to check behind her. Umi took the hint and turned, and immediately her bewilderment increased tenfold. Umi wasn’t sure what she expected to see, but very low down on that list was Kotori wearing one of the most beautiful dresses she’d ever laid eyes on, flanked by Nico on one arm and Honoka on the other. Umi had to pinch herself to check she wasn’t dreaming, because for once in her life she had absolutely _zero_ idea what was happening. As the three girls approached, Kotori and Umi made brief eye contact before the former looked away, blushing heavily – and Umi was sure she was doing the same.

“M-Maki, what’s going on?”

Umi turned to face her friend but she was already gone, making a beeline straight for the entrance of _DASH!_. Nico and Honoka had split from Kotori and were doing the same, clearly intent on leaving Umi and the love of her life by themselves.

“Sorry Umi, you’ll understand later,” Maki called back.

“No need to thank us!” Nico yelled as she linked arms with her girlfriend, and the pair disappeared inside the club.

“Honoka, wha–”

“See ya later guys!” Honoka interrupted, dashing off inside to follow her friends. All that remained was Kotori, with her gorgeous teal dress and an adorable sheepish smile. Yeah, Umi still had no clue what was happening.

“So… you must be pretty confused, huh?” Kotori said nervously.

“That’s a bit of an understatement,” Umi muttered, drawing a giggle from Kotori. The ash-haired girl quickly checked around her, conscious of the people around them, then took Umi’s hand and led her to a quiet corner.

“I… I came here to explain myself,” Kotori began. “I know things have been weird between us lately, and I’ve done some things I shouldn’t. I haven’t been a very good friend.” Umi opened her mouth to interject, but her efforts ceased when Kotori placed a slender finger over her lips and her brain almost short-circuited. “Let me explain. When I kissed you, that wasn’t just a drunk impulse. Well, the alcohol definitely helped, and I didn’t really think about it before I did it, but… I’ve wanted to do that for years.”

Umi had given up on anything making sense at this point, so she simply stood and listened.

“I’ve liked you for a long time. For years I tried to deny it, but I couldn’t lie to myself any longer. It hurt too much to hide my feelings away, especially since they just kept getting stronger, even though I tried to ignore them. I thought there was no way you would ever feel the same, and that if I told you how I felt it would damage our friendship. Then after we kissed, it felt like I’d ruined everything… So I wanted things to go back to normal, but that didn’t work either. Then I was selfish and drunk and I wanted to be closer to you again, but I didn’t think about how you felt about any of this. I thought you were starting to resent me for what I’d done.”

“I could never hate you!” Umi finally butted in, almost shouting, tears starting to form in the corners of her eyes. Kotori grasped Umi’s shaking hands and took a step closer.

“I know. I was scared, and I wasn’t thinking straight. I didn’t know what to do, how to save our friendship without completely ignoring my own feelings.” A tear rolled down Kotori’s cheek as more of them threatened to spill over. “Luckily, I don’t have to ignore them anymore.”

Leaving one hand holding Umi’s, Kotori moved another up to caress Umi’s cheek, leaning in slowly to kiss her love for the second time. If their first kiss was what almost tore them apart, then their second was what truly brought them back together again, even stronger and closer than before. If the first was a mistake, the second was the truth.

Both girls felt the saltiness of their tears run down their faces as they shared such an incredibly private moment in the corner of _DASH!_ ’s smoking area. To them, they were alone together, ignoring the outside world to treasure this moment forever. After several kisses they broke apart, taking a few seconds to wipe the tears away. Kotori pulled a handkerchief out from her handbag to wipe the last few away from Umi’s cheeks, leaving her hand there after doing so.

“How did you know that I liked you?” Umi asked, finally able to speak again.

“Maki. After you left Rin’s on Tuesday she found me crying on the balcony, so I explained what happened. She told me you felt the same way I did, and that we were both idiots for not realising it sooner.”

Umi made a mental note to trust Maki’s advice infinitely more, and to thank her a thousand times over.

“So we’ve both been suffering all this time?” Umi asked, placing her hand over Kotori’s.

“Apparently. She was right, we are both idiots,” Kotori said with a giggle. “Besides, you’re my idiot.”

Umi blushed deeply, just from the thought of being Kotori’s girlfriend. It was an incredible thought to have after all this time, all these _years_ of wanting this. All these years being in love with Kotori, when…

“Wait, how long exactly have you had these feelings for?” Umi asked.

“Well… do you remember when I had a boyfriend in 10th grade?”

“Of course.” How could Umi ever forget?

“It was around that time when I realised I had a crush on you. I agreed to go out with him because I thought it would distract me from that, considering I never thought you would like me back in the same way.”

Umi wanted to punch herself. Five years. They’d been in love with each other for five years, and they had only just realised how the other felt. That would be such a depressing thought if Umi wasn’t currently the happiest person alive.

“Wow, we really are idiots.”

Kotori giggled again, placing both her hands on Umi’s cheeks once more.

“We are, but that doesn’t matter now. Nothing else matters, now that we’re finally together.”

Another kiss, and then another, and neither girl ever wanted to stop. Why would they, when this was all they had ever wanted? 

* * *

Twenty minutes of kissing, crying and pouring their hearts out to one another later, the new couple decided it was probably time to find their friends inside. It didn’t take long; Maki and Nico were at the bar, chatting with Nozomi while Eli was serving some customers nearby. Nozomi was the first to spot them, her eyes instantly landing where Kotori’s hand was holding Umi’s. Nozomi smiled brightly and waved at them, and Umi instantly felt a sense of anxiety at revealing to her friends that her and Kotori were now a couple. She knew being so on edge about it was silly, but she was aware that it would take time to get used to. After all, this was her first ever relationship.

“How’s it going, lovebirds?” Nozomi teased, and Umi felt herself grip Kotori’s hand a little tighter, most likely from nervousness.

“Pretty good, if you ask me,” Kotori replied, glancing sideways at her girlfriend with an encouraging smile.

“Uh, yeah… pretty good.”

“So everything went to plan, then?” Nico asked, her question directed primarily at Kotori.

“It sure did. I really want to thank you guys for helping us be together,” Kotori said, a touch more timidly than before.

“It’s our pleasure,” Maki began. “I’m so glad we could all help you to realise each other’s feelings. It’s lovely to see the both of you happy again.”

“Thank you all so much. I… I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy,” Umi admitted, gaze lingering on the floor. When there was no immediate response, she looked up and saw her friends all smiling warmly at her, almost with a sense of pride in their eyes. She felt Kotori squeeze her hand, turning to see tears starting to form in her eyes again.

“This is so gay. I love it,” Nico remarked, grabbing Maki’s hand and leaning against her.

“So I’m guessing you guys didn’t actually have a fight?” Umi asked, remembering that was why she was here in the first place.

“Nope! We made that up to get you to come here, then we dressed Kotori up in the prettiest dress we could find and let you guys do the rest!” Nico beamed, evidently proud that her plan worked. Umi doubted the need for such an elaborate plan when Kotori could have simply talked to her at home, but the effort put into getting them together was nice. Their friends cared an awful lot about them both. At times Umi had believed that they had cared a little _too_ much, but she didn’t believe that anymore. Everything Maki, Nico, Honoka and everyone else had done to help them had been done with the best intentions – and now with the best results, too.

“Why get them to confess to one another here when they could have easily talked about it at their home?” Nozomi asked, voicing Umi’s query.

“Well…” Nico started, looking uncharacteristically sheepish, “Maki and I properly confessed to each other and become a proper couple here. We thought it would be nice if you guys could do the same. This place means so much to all of us, now more than ever, and we wanted this to be special.” 

Maki leaned into her girlfriend and placed a quick kiss on her cheek, and Umi had certainly never seen Nico blush before but there was a first time for everything.

“Aww, that’s adorable!” Kotori squealed. “Thank you so much Nico, and everyone else. Wait, shouldn’t Honoka be here somewhere too?”

“She went further into the club after she bought a drink, so she’s in there somewhere,” Maki explained. “I thought she’d be back by now, though.”

“Should we go find her?” Umi asked, wishing to thank Honoka for her part in this plan.

“Nah,” Nico chuckled, “I’m soon she’ll be back here soon enough.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, my apologies for this chapter taking longer than usual, finding motivation lately has been difficult. I'm glad I could finally get this chapter out after tinkering with it for a while, and I'm happy with the result. I hope you've all enjoyed the second part of the _DASH!_ chronicles as much as I've enjoyed writing it. That being said, I'm not quite done yet - I've got two more chapters planned to round off the whole story, and I hope to have those out in the near future. The first will be Honoka-centred, and though I'm not sure on whose POV the second will be in, it should be a nice end to this saga. So once again, thank you all for reading, and stay tuned for those!


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